He Just Seemed So Far Away (Percy Jackson) (Percy x Grover)

Chapter Three

Percy

Okay I, uh... Wasn't expecting that.

"I... Yeah." I assured him. "It was a panic attack. I get them every once in a while. You know that."

"Oh, okay," Grover sighed with relief, "Nico made it sound worse than that. But like... Why we're they here in the first place?"

Letting Grover in, I made sure my journal was closed.

"Um, Nico dropped something off." I explained. "The other two tagged along. It was thing for my birthday and then there was a letter with it and yeah. Kind of random. But yeah. What's in the bag?"

He knows me. Grover pulls out a bag of blue candy from the shop my mom works at, a stack of playing cards, and a few other things. A little TV series that we watched together when it came out. When we were at Yancy.

We got through a game of war, go fish, and slapjack before we started to watch TV. And even then, I was fine.

It was when I started getting texts. Various people from camp. The fourth episode, 15 minutes episodes, we're an hour into this, and I had gotten probably a dozen texts by then.

Calling me a nasty bitch. Asking how I could that to Annabeth, she never did anything to me. I'm a fag. I'm a freak. I deserve to rot in hell for what I did and who I am.

Around the 12th time I... It got to me more than just being on my mind.

I couldn't pay attention to the show because I really didn't want to have w breakdown in front of Grover. For a lot of reasons. One being he doesn't really know I have depression. Two, it means he finds out everything. Because if I start, I won't stop. And three, it risks everything I have. Because after this... After this, what do I have? What reason do I have to not kill myself?

Give me one.

I know I should care less because it's a rumor and they're just dumb. But it's not completely false. I am gay. I don't have the balls to say it in the mirror, much less to somebody else, but I am. And once that gets around, I'm done for. It's why I have no friends at school. Or anywhere I go.

I shouldn't care and I don't want to. That's my depression. I don't care. But my anxiety just screams at me because this is taking everything I know away from me in less than 24 hours. And the only solution my brain is coming up with is slitting my throat.

He's my best friend. He's the guy I've had a crush on for the last five fucking years. Of course, he had to open his mouth. Because he cares. For now, at least.

At first, I didn't hear him. I didn't realize he had noticed anything until he paused the show and actually turned to face me.

"Hey, Perce, what's wrong?"

My phone went off again and I was that fucking close to losing it. Because it was somebody else that hates me now. Because I don't fit...

This isn't how I wanted to come out to anyone. Much less Grover. By having a break down because Annabeth made up a rumor that just so happened to hit a little too close to home.

I couldn't look him in the eye and tell him that for years, I've been lying to him.

"Percy," when he said it the second time, it got my attention. "Dude. What's going on?"

I shook my head. "It's dumb..."

By now I had fucking tears starting to come out of my eyes and there was no going back now.

He wiped away one of them.

"If you're worked up like this," my best friend insisted, "it can't be that dumb. I've known you for five years Percy. I've seen you cry like twice. Once was from pain when you were stabbed or something, and the other time was you thought your mom was dead and you were alone. Okay? You don't cry easy, Percy. You don't get worked up like this. Ever."

My phone goes off again. It's like getting stabbed in the hand repetitively. Every time that phone goes off is another stab.

Not sure as if that was part of my problem, Grover threw my phone onto one of the chairs in the living room. But that really didn't help. I could still hear it. I still knew.

Taking a knife away doesn't mean that person doesn't want to kill themselves. You just took away their ammo.

I tried to fight it. I was hanging out by my fucking finger tips to not cave in on myself. I had gone so long without having a breakdown this huge.

And I couldn't go another two fucking hours.

Because I was terrified. I didn't know what it was like to have an actual friend until Grover came around. And he stuck around. And he's been my solid ground for years. Because of him, I met new people and I got some confidence in myself. Whether he realized it or not, I can't lose him.

I didn't want to take a chance. Because if I took a chance, I risk losing my best friend.

I can't do that.

Focused in on a certain spot who knows where, it wasn't on Grover. I was trying to not have a break down. I had therapy yesterday. My therapist said I was slowly getting better.

This puts me right back to square fucking one.

"Percy," he said it a third time. He wasn't leaving. Grover wasn't going to just leave my alone to cool down. He knows me better than that. When I am worked up to the extent that I can't even bring myself to look at you, there's a serious fucking problem with me. What's—"

He forced me to look at him, and that's when he'll broke lose.