Chapter Four

2.2K 73 101

by blackbeltbek

by blackbeltbek

Percy

I broke down sobbing the second I had to look at him. Because I couldn't do it.

I couldn't do this anymore. It was driving me insane. I can't keep telling everyone I'm fine when I never want to get up. When I never want to leave my bed because once I do, my entire day is just shit because I went to bed with the intention of never getting up the next morning. I can't put on a happy face just to go home, throw up my dinner, and silently cry myself to sleep. I can't keep saying I'm straight and that I don't like guys and that I'm... I'm ruining my entire fucking life.

Grover grabbed me in a hug for whatever fucking reason, I didn't care. This thing has been sitting inside of me for five years, if not longer.

It needed to come out.

I don't know what he did. I was so out of it that I didn't realize he was trying to soothe me when he did that. I couldn't tell you if it worked out not because by the time I was calm, I don't know how the hell it happened. I just felt like shit, ran out of tears. For a while, I couldn't breathe.

Even without saying anything, at that moment, I was vulnerable. He could've destroyed me and given me every reason to walk out to my bedroom window and jump out of it.

But for some gods forsaken reason, he didn't.

If he asked me anything, it was going to come out. He has no seen me at my worst. I can't hide it anymore. Not from him. You don't watch somebody sob their heart out for twenty minutes, if not longer, and then say okay when they insist it was nothing and they're fine.

Nico tried that on me once. It doesn't work.

I hung my head in shame.

He didn't say anything right away. I wasn't looking, so I couldn't read his expression. Which kind of terrified me among other things.

Apparently, this kind or shocked him.

"Percy..." He sounded like he was trying to wrap his heard around this. "What...?"

"I'm sorry." I didn't know what else to tell him.

"No, Percy, don't apologize for what just happened." He didn't get that it wasn't about what just happened. "There's nothing to be sorry about."

"No, there is." I corrected him. "Because for some dumb reason you decided that instead of just being my protector you were going to be my best friend and I'm probably he worst best friend anyone could ever see for. I've... I mean, I've been... I can't..."

Moving the hair out of my face, Grover got a good look at me in who I really was. Not that fake bullshit I've been doing my entire life.

It was a serious question.

"Have you been tested for depression?"

I nodded my head.

"I was diagnosed when I was little." There was no way that I was going to be able to stop anything anymore. "I didn't want to tell you when we first met because I... Because we were 12 and what 12 year old has anxiety, major depression, and wants to kill himself? I didn't have friends before you, Grover. Okay? I'm still trying to figure out why the hell I'm not dead. Why my step dad didn't beat me to death when I was little. Why the gods kept my alive. I've tried killing myself. I do it all the fucking time. But the gods don't like that. They won't let me. They won't let me get any better, but they won't let me die, either. Apollo told me that I'm a lost cause. No amount of drugs or therapy or surgery is ever going to help me. So I keep my mouth shut. I hate myself and I just have to live with it."

I poured my fucking heart out to him, expecting him to just pity me like anyone else would but not say anything that would actually matter. But instead, he pulled me into a hug, backwards, so he was hugging me from behind.

"I can't say that I knew too many 12 year olds like that." He told me as I was beyond just being fragile. I was shattered glass. There was nothing left of me. "As far as I know, you're it. But Percy, I don't... Okay, it would've been nice had you told me a lot earlier, yeah. But shit happens and you always have had a hard time opening up about big things. It doesn't mean I'm not going to be your friend. We're in this together. I'm here to help you, Percy. Frankly, I don't know how. I'll be honest about that. But we can figure that out. Have you told Annabeth anything?"

I shook my head, telling him that we broke up. I couldn't do it anymore. To myself, or to her.

"Do what?"

And of course, it came out.

"Date somebody I don't really give a shit about." I answered his question as he was still hugging me. I wasn't going to complain about it, though. "The only reason I went out with her in the first place was because I was terrified to say no. Because I didn't want people to know that I'm gay. And whoop de do, she got pissy when I told her we were done and now she made up some dumb rumor but part of it says I'm gay and that's not exactly a lie, she just didn't know and now I'm losing everyone, so I mean by this time tomorrow I'm going to have nobody."

"Not true," he insisted, which shocked the hell out of me that he didn't even react to me being gay. "My gods, you're not the first gay demigod in that camp. And if they start dropping like flies, you still have me and your mom for sure. I doubt Nico is going to walk out for something like that. He's probably gay, he just hasn't said anything about it because he probably doesn't have interest right now. There's Will. Leo. Mr. D and Chiron will support the hell out of you. Thalia. Clarisse. There are people. It's just a matter of looking for them and making themselves known. But like I said. Nico's probably gay. Will is gay, Leo's bi, Mr. D is the god of all of that shit, Chiron is Chiron, Thalia is pan, Clarisse is bi, I'm bi, your mom is bi. So there are people, Percy. And I can't speak for all of them. But I'm not walking out just because you're gay and you have some mental problems."

He said more after that, but I don't know what it was because I fell asleep. He was warm and when he was rubbing my arms, it relaxed me and made it easier to fall asleep.

I did sleep good that night.