Freak Genius

Chapter 6: MACY

Chapter 6: Macy

"Dan, why did you call?" He didn't hesitate. "Because I care about you." She gasped. Macy almost dropped the phone. She smacked her hand to her forehead and stared at the ground. Why did this have to be so confusing? Of course, she wanted desperately for him to feel the way she did, but she always knew her wish could not come true unless every other girl disappeared off the face of the planet. Why did it have to be him? Why was he making things difficult? Couldn't he just leave her alone and stop making it so much harder to accept the fact that Macy could never have Dan? "Why are you all of a sudden acting so different?" He didn't answer right away. In fact, Macy wasn't sure he was going to answer at all. But finally he said, "I don't know." Macy groaned, frustrated. Then she was overwhelmed. She felt like she was drowning in her own life. "What?" Dan exclaimed defensively. "Nothing! Goodbye Dan!" With that she hung up the phone.

Once more she was unsure of what to think. She thought it best to retrieve her homework before she began to cry, so she proceeded out the door and down the steps where her binder slouched, lopsided. She snatched it and raced up the stairs. Daisy dashed after her hopefully. Nikko and Tyler, her fifteen year old brother, came bursting through the front door, wild smiles cracked on their faces.

They noticed Macy, and Tyler smirked. "What's up with you? Did Dan not text you or something?" She turned her head to hide her pain contorted face. "Shut up! He never texts me anyway... Now be quiet so I can do my homework."

Macy raced into her room, slamming her door in the dog's face. She could hear her dog's nose sniffling uselessly at the bottom of the door and then heard the sliding of her fur against the wooden door as she lay down against it. Macy tossed her binder onto her bed, the contents spilling everywhere. She had no intent on doing her homework yet. Instead, she maneuvered through the sloppy, cluttered mess to the mirror. She faced it and examined herself scornfully. What was she doing wrong? She didn't understand. She'd never been asked to any of the homecoming dances. She'd never been hit on or had a boyfriend. She wasn't even asked to junior prom last year. She'd never been asked out. What was wrong with her? She knew she was weird and very awkward. Nobody really ever laughed at her jokes and she tried to be cool, but it never really worked out for her.

She'd been told everybody loved her. She'd been told everybody likes her. If this was true, why did she feel so isolated? Hatred and longing boiled up inside her chest, threatening to burst. It bubbled and hissed. She almost wished it would burn a hole right through her heart. Then maybe, just maybe, she wouldn't have to put up with it anymore.

She wouldn't cry. She wasn't even sure if she could. She wanted to, but it hurt so bad all she could do was buckle her knees and collapse onto her bed, her gaze still focused on the mirror. She hated herself. She couldn't help it. She mouthed the words to her reflection, "I hate you!" Ever since Casey had made the first comment to Macy hatred had been building inside her. She didn't hate Casey, though.

Casey was just opening her eyes to truth. She was weird, fat, ugly, and worthless. She was a Freak Genius. Macy used to tell herself they were lies. She knew better than to tell herself it was truth. That would only make it true to others. But as time progressed it grew impossible to ignore the fact that nobody had ever shown any interest in her, any guys, that is. She concluded, after months of a sufferable transformation, that Casey was right.

Then there was the flicker of hope. Dan had called. He did care. He said he cared about her! He'd told her she was pretty! Then the flicker was ferociously extinguished. He'd told her she was emo. He'd called her an ugly freak. He was dating her- what was Brittany now? Was she still a friend? Was she still her best friend?

These thoughts force Macy to recall the stories Brittany tells about her many ex-boyfriends. Then these thoughts force Macy to realize that it didn't matter what she did, nothing would change. It wasn't that she was doing anything wrong. It was just who she was. She could be the coolest person ever and she would still feel the way she did now. What did it matter?