☙ ''Do you have no regard for human life?''
''In this position, I can't.''
The world is crumbling and with it, is their relationship. War is coming and with it comes another tale of lost love- and found. ☙
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The smile on his face was as fake as the rest of it. Hidden behind the gleam in his green eyes was nothing. He didn't feel anything: no joy, no sadness, no anger. Just nothing. It had taken hours for it all to settle in. It had taken so long just to understand that he had been naive and stupid.
Maybe he really was too young. He'd like to think he wasn't but here was the proof. Unbeatable proof. You can't go to war with facts. You'll always be wrong. You'll always be the naive one. You'll always be the one left in the dirt, huddled in on themselves with tear-stained cheeks and mud-stained boots. And blood, so much blood.
He knew too much now. Far too much. Erwin and Levi were in love; he heard it, behind all the shouting. There was love still there. And even if Levi had any sort of feelings for Eren, it was clear that it was so much stronger for Erwin. He was just the one to help Levi through their end. Eren wasn't something that could have a beginning or an end, he was simply the bridge between the last end and the new beginning. Like the war. He was always the bridge, wasn't he? Used for the benefits of others to make a new world, one he would never see himself.
Maybe he wasn't as naive as he had first thought. Or wished. It seemed nowadays that the two were one in the same.
But something within him didn't want to end it with Levi. Something still felt in place when he thought of the other. Something settled when he was Levi. But, as he let his mind wander, he found that maybe that wasn't exactly what he thought it had been. That comfort, that state in which he could almost, for a second, believe he was safe. Something that he always felt with Levi.
And something he had just found with Erwin.
He groaned, throwing his head into his hands, his back awkwardly straight on the rock hard mattress of his bed. It was a blessing to be alone but somewhere in the deep recesses of his mind, he wished there was someone to help him right now. Armin might have had an answer. Or more likely the permanent solution that he had said from the start. End it and end it now. Before its too late.
Throwing himself off the bed in sudden haste, he balanced delicately on his delicate legs, feeling like he had just undergone a Titan transformation. Something pushed him to work, two strong hands on his back pressing him until he had to push his foot out just to stop himself from falling.
Lethargy consumed him, something about that whole day felt like it was weighing down on his back and the lack of sleep from the previous night was finally creeping up on him like a curse. He tried to shake it but the grip was just too hard, nails digging into his flesh, blood trailing to the ground. Except he could see no red. It was in the touch, the invisible touch on his arms. He could feel it so vividly or he wanted to. He wanted there to be a reason for his movements. But, every time he blinked, he knew it was him that had taken the next step. This wasn't a memory nor a dream, this was him...going crazy.
His feet itched to move, to find somewhere better. Somewhere quieter, emptier, more hidden. Anywhere that would give him the silence necessary to sift through his thoughts and categorise him. It wasn't often that he thought. Not that he was dim, he would rather not say that. But, nonetheless, he liked to do things without thinking. It helped him, sometimes. Gave him something to blame.
