Different

Chapter 14: Why him?

It's been way to long. We've been ignoring each other for way too long. Isaac, Erica and Boyd were missing too. Not even Derek had talked to anyone. I walked through the halls of Beacon Hills High School without my brother or best friend by my side, like I usually would. No laughing. No talking about what was going on. Nothing. Just me walking alone. I heard Stiles' voice. He was in the guidance counselor's office. I stopped walking as I used my abilities to listen.

"You know when you're drowning, you don't actually inhale until right before you black out. It's called voluntary apnea. It's like no matter how much you're freaking out, the instinct to not let any water in is so strong that you won't open your mouth until you feel like you're head's exploding. But then when you finally do let it in, that's when it stops hurting. It's not scary anymore. It's actually kind of peaceful." "Are you saying you hope Matt felt some peace in his last moments?" "I don't feel sorry for him." "Can you feel sorry for the nine-year-old Matt who drowned?" "Just because a bunch of dumbasses dragged him into a pool when he couldn't swim doesn't really give him the right to go off killing them one by one. And by the way, my dad told me that they found a bunch of pictures of Allison on Matt's computer. And not just of her though. I mean, he photoshopped himself into these pictures. Stuff like them holding hands and kissing. You know, like he had built this whole fake relationship. So yeah, maybe drowning when he was nine years old was what send him off the rails, but the dude was definitely riding the crazy train." "One positive thing came out of this, though. Right?" "Yeah. Yeah, but I still feel like there's something wrong between us. I don't know. It's just like tension when we talk. Same thing with Scott... Even with my own sister." "Have you talked to them since that night?" "No, not really. I mean, Scott's got his own problems to deal with though. I don't think he's talked to Allison either. But that might be more her choice, you know. Her mom dying hit her pretty hard. But I guess it brought her and her dad closer. Jackson? Jackson hasn't really been himself lately. Actually the funny thing is, as of right now, Lydia is the one who seems the most normal." "Your sister?" "I don't know. I mean, we still live in the same house... It just feels like she's not telling me something, you know. And for me being her twin, we usually tell each other everything."

A single tear rolled down my face as I kept listening.

"And what about you, Stiles? Feeling some anxiety about that championship game tomorrow night?" "Why would you ask me that? Ah. Uh, no. I... I never actually play. But hey, since one of my teammates is dead and the another one's missing, who knows, right?" "You mean, Isaac. One of the three runaways. You haven't heard from any of them, have you?" "How come you're not taking any notes on this?" "I do my notes after the session." "Your memory's that good?" "How about we get back to you? Stiles?" "I'm fine. Yeah, aside from the not sleeping, the jumpiness, the constant, overwhelming, crushing fear that something terrible's about to happen."

How? How did I not notice any of this. I'm his twin sister for god's sake. I should be the one noticing before he does himself. I should be the one he can always talk to. I should be the one he trusts. I should be the one pulling him through this... But no, I've done nothing. Nothing at all.

"It's called hypervigilance, the persistent feeling of being under threat." "But it's not just a feeling, though. It's... it's like it's a panic attack. You know, like I can't even breath." "Like you're drowning?" "Yeah." "So if you're drowning, and you're trying to keep your mouth closed until that very last moment, what if you could choose to not open your mouth? To not let the water in?" "Well, you do anyway. It's a reflex." "But if you hold off until that reflex kicks in, you have more time, right?" "Not much time." "But more time to fight your way to the surface?" "I guess." "More time to be rescued?" "More time to be in agonizing pain. And did you forget about the part where you feel like your head's exploding?" "If it's about survival, isn't a little agony worth it?" "And what if it just gets worse? What if it's agony now and then... And it's just hell later on?" "Then think about something that Winston Churchill once said; 'If you're going through hell, keep going.'"

I took a few steps back as the voices were still in my reach. They always were. I walked outside to see if it would help, but no. This stupid werewolf thing. It's what started this. It's what started all the drama that we deal with everyday. I can't imagine how Stiles would've felt all this time. He just stands on the side while his 'werewolf sister and best friend' do all the work. I should be the one sitting there. I should be the one that can't sleep. I should be the one that had to deal with it all. Just.... He doesn't deserve it.