Persisting Anyway

16) Always Second

Sorry for the wait!! Its been almost a month!

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Whenever I walked down the hallway and saw Derek my face became flushed and my nerves became annoyingly persistent. When I walked with Carter and saw Derek in the halls, I would grab Carter's hand and lean into him. Luckily, he didn't do anything else to make me uncomfortable and so eventually I gave up on worrying and left the awkward encounter with Derek behind me.

It was almost unfathomable that spring was almost here, winter had gone by so fast. Months were uneventful and boring. The relationship between Carter and I was pure bliss.

We still had yet to kiss. That was my fault though, I was scared that if Carter and I kissed then he would realize how much he didn't like me. What if he thought I was a bad kisser? I had never kissed anyone in my life so even I didn't know if I was a good kisser!

I had a tendency to push away people. Not being used to compliments, I pushed them away and thought them untrue. I was definitely not used to having a boy, especially a popular boy, liking me and holding my hand and telling me I looked beautiful.

Carter deserved the best, and I was not the best. I questioned whether Amanda could pick up on my thoughts; I would catch her glaring at me. She would smirk when I caught her and then return to whatever previous engagement she was involved in. Her looks made me even more uncomfortable and vulnerable.

The only thing I didn't feel vulnerable in was Long jump. Our season was ending and I was confident I would go to State. It was all a matter of whether Coach Hersh would put me in or not.

The day of the meet passed slowly. It was just one of those days. Thoughts overwhelmed me and fears consumed my thoughts; I found it hard to focus throughout the day. Finally, the time came for me to leave and change out in order to prepare for the meet.

I packed up quietly and quickly to avoid attention. My teacher saw me head for the door and we echanged nods to signal that it was time for me to leave. 'Good Luck' my teacher mouthed and I smiled gratefuIlly before pushing the door open with my back and turning to walk out.

The hallway was quiet as class would still be going on until the end of the day when boys and girl would shout across the halls and talk loudly to be heard. Laughter would fill the empty spaces and gossip would be spoken in voices only loud enough for certain ears. Although right now, any noise of laughter or hushed voices could be heard.

Turning to corner, I looked about for any sign of activity. The only action taking place was between a boy and girl. I rolled my eyes at the two kissing. I stared at them, annoyed, and noticed Amanda as the girl. Curious, I looked to find who the boy was.

Carter.

Right then my heart shattered. I heard it. It broke into a million pieces. My ears rung and I became dizzy. My vision became blurry from the tears that had started streaming down my face, I quickly ran out of the small hallway away from the two.

I hate him.

I hate him so much.

How could he?

Then it hit me, I was a nobody. I always was and always will be. Carter saw me as this girl who would be fascinated by his good looks and charm and gentleman actions. I fell for it and stepped into his trap. The delayed snap came right now. I was the mouse, hurt and abused. Carter didn't care about me, if he did then he wouldn't be locking lips with the one girl he knew hated me.

Tears streamed down my cheeks uncontrollably without my permission. They were hot and stung my cheeks. I walked down the hallway towards the locker room, when I got there I kept my eyes trained on the floor and avoided lifting my head to reveal my red, puffy eyes and tear stained cheeks. Girls chatted animately and laughed loudly, too much happiness for me. I stayed silent the whole way through dressing out, only lifting my head to watch myself put my hair up in a ponytail.