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preview of Love, Saturn

so heres a story that I've been trying to write for a long ass time and I finally got the first chapter in to wattpad. I hope that this will be published before December but don't count on it because we all know I'm literally the worst at updating and ngl about the fact that I haven't even edited a story in like 2 months sssoooo. but heres a little preview of chapter one where I end it in a very awkward place like always :))) 

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LOVE IS THE WORST THING TO HAPPEN TO MANKIND. Love destroys you. It manipulates you into caring for someone so much, that you would do just about anything to make them happy, even if it doesn't make you happy. As long as that other person is having the time of their life, it's all okay. Everything is okay. But it's not.

People use that bullshit line; how can you love someone else if you can't even love yourself? Like I said, it's bullshit. It's so much easier to love someone else than to love yourself. Because all I see when I look at myself is disappointment, and all I see when I look at him is perfection. I hate myself for seeing him that way, but I love that he looks that way. I was capable of loving everything about him when I couldn't even love one thing about myself. So, yes. It is possible to love someone without loving yourself. And I hate being a victim of it.

When I first laid eyes on him, I couldn't take them off. He was the definition of perfect. The perfect eyes, hair, style, structure. Everything was perfect. The girls would drool over him, all the guys would try to be his best friend. I knew all that just by seeing him get out of his car.

"Oh my gosh, did you see him?" How could I not have?

She automatically started pampering herself. Fluffing her hair, straightening her outfit and pulling down he top a little bit, despite the cold weather.

"Persephone, stop trying to look desirable and get going all ready," Orion, my younger brother says.

People always told me I had the perfect family. I thought they forgot I was a part of it. But I was rained down with compliments everytime I visited my Grandmothers. She never failed to tell me that my outside was almost as beautiful as my inside every single time. I used to believe her, until now.

When I walked into the school building, I felt ashamed. I watched as girls so much more beautiful than me walked around in all their glory. Their perfect clothes, perfect hair, perfect makeup. No wonder why they were all so popular.

My school was strictly divided into categories. There were the populars, jocks, geeks, rebels, loners, musicians, just about any category you could think of. Persephone belonged with the populars, Orion with the jocks, and me? Well I considered myself to be a geek but my friends tended to put me into the "should be popular group". I could never understand why, but everyone always gave me all these reasons that were all just complete lies.

I watched as Persephone ran up to her group of "Senior Hotties", as Orion's idiot friends so kindly called them. Orion had already begun walking with his friends, leaving me looking like an idiot in the middle of the hallway. Thanks a lot guys. As I start walking down the crowded halls, someone grabs my arm and pulls me to the side.

"Where do you think you're going?" someone scolds jokingly.

"Anywhere away from you," I joke back, sending a glare.

"Ooh! Feisty!" they comment back. "Happy Birthday."

I smile, wrapping my arms around them. "Thanks."

"Sorry not sorry about ruining your guys' little moment," my best friend comments, adding a wink at the end.

I over dramatically roll my eyes whilst grabbing her hand and pulling her towards our first class. Sydney always got a kick out of making teasing me. Truly I wasn't bothered by any of it.

"Sorry not sorry to say this but, you know there's nothing going on between me and him. Plus there's a super cute new kid that I'm gonna be keeping an eye on."

"Even though my prayers won't be answered, I'd love to pretend they will be."

My sister always said the Sydney had a little obsession over me and Mason I just thought of it as her being a best friend. Sydney knew her limits and I knew she wouldn't dare to take things any farther. Now I'm not saying that she's dine anything bad, but Mason is afraid that one day she'll cross the line.

We enter the class room, our teacher greeting us as we walk in. I take my seat in the front corner, closest to the door, farthest away from the teachers desk. Sydney's desk was unfortunately a row back and in the next column over. The teacher was not kidding when he said friends would not be sitting next to each other. The room was filled with a quiet chatter as sleepy teens slowly filled the room up. It wasn't until a minute before the bell when I saw him again. When I saw him walk through the door, I couldn't take my eyes off. He payed me no mind as he walked over to the teachers desk. I turn my body towards Sydney and she stares back at me, her eyes wide open.

"Is that the new kid you were talking about earlier?" she mouths to me.

I nod in response and turn away as she continues to gape. Out of the corner of my eye I can see the teacher pointing at me and him walking over. The chair beside me is pulled back as he goes to take a seat. A pencil is et down on the deal and a set of elbows follow soon afterword. I look up slightly to see him resting his chin atop his knuckles, his second hand twirling the string of his hoodie. The smell of his cologne drifted under my nose as he reached his hand up to run it through his hair. I quickly shift my gaze away as he turns to look at me.

"Is getting new seniors not something normal around here?" he asks me.

The deepness of his voice makes my legs tremble. I shake my head and he nods is in understanding.

"I'm Jackson. From South Dakota."

"Saturn."

He smile at my response and turns his head to the front as the teacher starts our lecture. I allow my eyes to linger before turning towards the front as well. God dammit blush, please get off my face.

I catch him sneaking a glance at me, causing the blush to swim over my cheeks again. A smile appears on his face and he focuses his eyes on a poster directly in front of him.

"Now class, before I forget, I would like to introduce you to our new classmate, Jackson," the teacher announces. 

hi i changed all of this so ill put the new version in sooner or later