Believe in Magic [a Loki fanfic]

I dreamed a Dream

"I do not wish to stay indebted to you", Ella said as she pulled herself up on the banister Loki leaned against. He had asked her to meet him out here, on a small balcony that overlooked the city, so they could spend their last evening together. Loki had mentioned that tonight would be the annual memorial for Queen Frigga, an evening when the people of Asgard came together and released lanterns into the sky as an offering to the late queen. What Loki had not mentioned was that he dreaded this night, because he missed his mother, and therefore would usually spend it alone not seeking anyone's company. Tonight was different. He did not desire to be alone, and he wished that he could have asked his mother for advice right now. Loki was watching the sun set over the city of Asgard when the girl settled down next to him. He straightened up and turned sideways to look at her, their faces level with each other. Ella looked down and traced her fingers over the book she held in her lap. 

"Magical or Midgardian?" Loki asked and Ella knew he referred to the book.

"Magical" she said.

"I hope you chose something interesting as your bedtime reading on your last night."

"I actually need to return it. I thought you might not mind going to the library with me later on?" 

"I would be honoured to." He smirked. "So what was is it you chose?"

Ella bit her lip and looked away. 

"Nothing special. A book about the realms. I wished to learn more about them, as there will not be much reading material on it where I am going." 

Loki's eyes narrowed as he looked at her, sensing her hiding something, but brushed off the feeling the moment she smiled at him and her hand accidentally brushed against his when she placed it on the banister. Maybe this would be the first time he would feel good about Frigga's memorial. Maybe Ella could help ease the pain he felt when he thought of his mother. The guilt. He still remembered that his last words to her had been full of spite - and a lie. "Am I not your mother?" - "You are not." Maybe he would find it within himself to share some of the memories that weighed so heavy on his heart with Ella, if she allowed it. He longed to feel her comforting embrace. Loki shook his head at his thoughts. Well, at least he was allowed to dream about it. 

Ella's eyes searched his, holding them in a silent gaze for a while, before she averted them.

I mean it. I do not wish to leave here and stay indebted to you, Loki. You saved my life. In more than one way, and by now I am so deep in your debt that I do not know how I can ever repay you for it. So, if there is any favour I could grant you, anything – 

her eyes returned to his and Loki resisted the urge to pull her close. He cleared his throat and asked, 

"Anything?" 

She nodded. 

"Do you really mean it?"

"I do. Is there any favour I could grant you?"

The green eyes held her gaze as his fingers gently brushed a stray hair from her face, then he let them gingerly roam down to her lips.

"Grant me only one favour," he whispered, "Stay with me tonight."

Much to the Loki's consternation the girl's lips quivered as his thumb stroked over them and her eyes filled with tears. Instantly he pulled back. He did not need to read her thoughts to know that he had asked for the one thing he should not have asked for. 

Ella averted her eyes, tears rolling down her cheeks. She hesitated briefly but then pushed herself off the banister and escaped inside. Loki groaned and buried his face in his hands, confused by her rejection, before he straightened up and ran his fingers through his hair.

What had he done to make her react this way? He would never have asked her, if he had not been sure she shared his feelings. Had he given her reason to doubt him? Or worse - fear him? 

He needed to find out, speak with her. Set this right. 

When he took a step towards the door to follow Ella, his boot bumped into the book the girl had dropped in her rush. Loki bent down and picked it up, when his gaze fell on the words on the cover. Jotunheim – Realm of the Frost Giants. 

She knew. She knew who he was. Somebody had told her. 

His heart contracted painfully. 

Who in their right mind would want to spend a night with a monster? 

How could he have been such a fool? How could he think that he would ever escape this curse? 

His anger flared up and the book in his hands burst into flames and was reduced to ashes in the blink of an eye. 

And why had he thought that she would be different to anyone else?

***

"What happened?" Eir asked in a soft and calming voice as she gently stroked the Ella's hair. Thinking her to be out with Loki the Goddess had been surprised to find Ella in her room, curled up in her bed, sobbing uncontrollably. Eir sat with her until the girl's sobs lessened and she started to calm down. 

"Tell me what happened, child." the Goddess repeated patiently, letting her magic flow around Ella to soothe her. 

"Loki", Ella's voice was choked. She tried to say more, but could not get a word out.

"Loki? Did he say anything hurtful?"

The girl shook her head and started crying again.

"So, what about him? What did he do?" Eir asked softly. 

"He - he  - asked me if - if I -" Ella tried to put words to what had happened and what was going on inside her, but found herself unable to explain. In her desperation, she pulled herself up and placed her forehead on  Eir's. Then she opened her mind and let the Goddess of Healing into her thoughts and memories. 

Eir gasped as the darkness hit her.