Artificial Happiness

"Confrontation"

"Unexpressed emotions will never die. They are buried alive and will come forth later in uglier and more aggressive ways."

~

Even after taking a hot shower, I still felt gross. Feelings like this never usually lingered like this. I hated it with a burning passion, I just wanted to wash away the regret, it wasn't the regret of sex, it was regret of doing it because I wanted to get back at G for choosing Raymond over me. This nasty feeling was like the punishment I was getting for being so disgustingly petty, this is what I meant about 'Do it if it feels good, but waking up in a bed of self loathing.' That was the stage I was in, that was what I felt. I loathed every step I took after I got out of that girl's house. I knew what I was doing was wrong. I sighed loudly, pushing my dampened hair out of my face and exited the bathroom, a towel wrapped around my waist as I reentered my bedroom and started to get dressed. Before I was even finished, Mark was back in my bedroom.

"He came by last night you know."

My brother stated, seating himself on my bed, and looking at me as I tugged on my t-shirt.

"What are you on about? I told you I wanted you out of my space right now."

I snapped at him, tugging the maroon shirt over my head so it laid neatly over my muscular frame. Mark only scoffed and moved to make himself more comfortable and I groaned, turning around and fixing the slightly younger male with a fierce glare.

"Oh don't look at me like that. Gaelyn came by last night to see you. He texted me because your car wasn't here."

He continued, his brown eyes felt as if they were staring into my soul and it was quickly making really rather uncomfortable. I swallowed hard, trying to push the gross sensation away.

"I told him you were still out, but let me guess you were probably at Alyssa house, balls deep all because you couldn't handle the fact that Glyn has other friends."

He hissed at me and I didn't even bother to respond. Whenever something pushed Mark to reprimand me, I knew I had done something really bad, I mean I knew it was bad from the start, yet there I went, doing it anyways, because I can't handle not having attention.

"Mark, shut up."

He was basically just telling me everything as it was, how I should have seen it last night, how I was seeing it now.

"Val, I know you know you like him. I know, I can see if likes you, and if you really did care, why the fuck do you turn on him like this?"

My brother snapped, and I basically shrank away, regretting the fact that I had come home this morning. I felt like my heart was physically rotting as I sat here.

"I didn't turn on him I found other plans."

Mark scoffed at me and I visibly winced. I knew he was going to see right through that, yet I still tried to pass it off anyways, he knew me too well, so well that lying to him was like lying to myself. It ate away at me.

"Yes Val because finding other plans included staring at him and asking someone else out like a selfish prick."

I let out an angry huff and glared at the man on my bed.

"You know what Mark, you don't know how I feel about this whole situation, you have no right to be talking right now!"

I snapped, my voice raising, I was already beating myself up in my head, I didn't need him adding to it.

"I have no right, okay Val, well you have no right to be playing him like this. I tell you this shit because I love you, but I suppose you'll throw that away on some girl as well."