Artificial Happiness

"Apologies"

"When a person tells you that you hurt them, you don't get to decide that you didn't."

_
《BE SURE TO READ THE AUTHORS NOTE AT THE END!!!》

I nearly couldn't contain the shock I felt the moment I opened my bedroom door and he was standing there waiting for me. Was this really all just planned out? I turned my head looking at my brother in complete and utter shock and all I got in return was a victorous smirk, which I most definitely repaid with a dirty look. This was never good, I hated being surprised, I didn't even plan out what I needed to say to him, well I did. About a million times. All those days I went off by myself, I didn't just think about nothing. In fact for the past week, my mind had been nothing, but G. I missed him so much and I deserved to feel that way, because if you look at things from the right perspective, I didn't deserve him, not in the slightest, yet here he was standing in my bedroom door, looking as cute... And nervous as ever and I was stuck dumbfounded, confused, guilty, and silently loathing my sneaky younger brother for ambushing me. I wanted to hug him, catch him up in my arms and never let go. Just seeing Gaelyn there at the door made me want him even more than I ready did... and I don't mean this in that way. I honestly just wanted to give him the love he is so deserving of but after all the stunts I've pulled I was doubting I would ever get that chance.

"Hey."

I replied quietly, glancing into his eyes for a moment searching for any taste of that bitter anger I had met about a week before.

"Well you guys... talk, I'm leaving to go downstairs."

Mark stated, slipping past myself and G and trotting down the steps. I wanted to push him down the stairs for doing this. I swallowed hard, rubbing the back of my neck awkwardly as I stepped back silently inviting Gael into my bedroom.

"I'm going to be honest I don't even know where I should start, I've fucked up... I've fucked up badly."

I mumbled softly, only daring to glance up at him for a short moment as the smaller male seated himself on my unmade bed.

"Well I won't say you're wrong."

G answered my statement, there was no anger in his eyes, just honest sadness and disappointnent. My face flushed completely and my throat felt stiff. The one thing I had grown to cherish the most was suffering emotionally because of me. When you're in the heat of the moment you can never really tell the consequences of your actions... Well at least I always had trouble with it.

"Val... Can you at least tell me why?"

Gaelyn's voice sounded so disheartened, it made my gut twist painfully with guilt.

"I-I don't know. I mean I know, but I don't know how to put it into words. I was jealous as hell. I'm not going to lie to you Glyn, but I hate Raymond. A-and that cockiness he had in his voice when he told me about your plans with him just egged me on so much, Gaelyn, I've had a crush on you for a while now. I want to be the one that makes you happy, that gets to be the main cause of that smile on your face, but I don't know... How to cope? Is that the right way to put it? ... I don't really know. Anytime I get jealous I hate the feeling so I try to throw it away, drown it in old habits and pleasure and I never thought I was actually hurting you but I know I am and I feel absolutely horrible about it. What I've done is completely and utterly unforgivable and honestly if you hate me for it, I understand, I deserve it. But I guess I'm hoping you won't? In the end I'm just trying to say I'm sorry. I'm sorry for being such a horribly jealous person. I'm sorry for being so malicious when all you were doing was honoring a previous engagement. And I'm sorry for dragging your heart the way that I have. If it counts for anything Gael, I care about you a lot, even though I've been terrible at showing it, it's the truth."