365 // irwin

Chapter Two

DAY TWO

I couldn't imagine anything worse than having to change the way you describe someone. When the word have has to be converted into had. When the word do has to become did. When the word are has to be changed to the word were. I couldn't imagine anything worse, especially when it looms over you every day. Sometimes you miss little things about him, but mostly you just miss everything at once. It's like a domino effect.

First you miss smaller things, like how tousled his hair looked in the morning, how his eyes would slowly open, his face instantly growing into a grin when his eye land on you, bringing you closer, his arms snaking around your waist.

You miss them the most when you first wake up. There is always that blissful moment where you're completely absent from the world, unknowing and just existing. But then it hits you like a pile of bricks and you notice their abscence. Your phone isn't lit up with a cute good morning text, his arms aren't wrapped around you after him spending the night. And it wasn't always sex, sometimes we fell asleep watching movies, sometimes we just lay there enjoying one anothers company, hands entwined, noses brushing, legs tangled with one another.

I missed him, and it took me months to even come to terms with the fact that he was gone, but once I had, it was all down hill from there.

If I were to collect my tears in jars, they surely would've filled up my entire house. I missed him, and I still missed him slightly. Everybody has those loves where they think that they're going to spend their entire life with them, grow old, live happily. The difference here is that I knew that it was going to be him, it was always going to be him. And we both knew it.

"Clarke!"

An audible groan left my lips as I rolled off of my bed with my covers still around me, groggily moving over to the window and poking my head out of it. That was where my eyes landed on Luke, whom had taken it upon himself to continuously throw rocks at my window. It wasn't a rare thing, when voices failed, rocks seemed to do the trick. I screwed up my face, shielding my eyes with my hands as the sunlight pricked at my eyes as I yelled out,

"What are you doing?"

"You have a date, lazy!" he shouted back, only causing me to slightly squirm, the light being far to bright and his voice being much too loud for that early in the morning.

"Oi! Watch it, Pasqualino!"

"You look like shit!"

"You look like shit!" I retorted, I could practically feel his eye-roll as he ditched another rock at the wall, laughing as I screamed, retreating into my room before poking my head out again and rudely flipping him off.

"I'm serious!" he called out, "And I bet your breath stinks as well! Have you even checked the time? You'll actually be late, and then you'll be rude and make a bad impression and then you know what's going to happen? What's going to happen is that he-"

It was round that point where I slammed the window shut. It wasn't as if he wasn't correct, he was entirely correct if you were looking it at objectively. But of course, I was not. My mind was much too busy with other things and matters that didn't quite concern Luke, that didn't really concern everybody apart from the boy that turned into a had. I missed him. I missed him with everything that I had and it's fair enough to say that he left me completely broken.

"Clarke!"

"God damnit Luke-" I swore as a banging on my door resounded through my room, storming over to my door and opening it to find a very bewildered Luke, I grunted before slamming my door shut again, falling onto my bed calling out, "Go away!"

"Emi, come on. It's me-" his voice trailed off, I could already imagine him awkwardly shuffling outside the door, moving his feet back and forth, being his normal giant self. Hauling myself out of bed, and opening the door I found him standing there with open arms, moving myself into them, he wrapped his arms around me,