Life Goes On

Only you define me (5)

"You mean the world to me, babe." He sighs against my lips, I kiss him one more time and I pull myself off of his body, reluctantly.

"I'm only going to be gone for four days Lou." He says, but even he looks upset. It seems as if we just got to see each other again, and now one of us is leaving again. It's really upsetting but I already have a plan for when he is gone.

"It's crazy, I've only been back two weeks, and I'm already so dependent on you. I mean I'm so scared to sleep by myself, that I'm going to stay with mum while your gone. Crazy right?" I let out a depreciating snort and he strides across the room until his long arms can wrap around me and pull me into a hug.

"Listen Lou, I have no idea what happened over there these last seven months, but even I can see it took a toll on you. You don't sleep through out the night unless someone is sleeping with you. Last time I went to pee you nearly tore down the bathroom to make sure I was okay. I say all of that to say this, You went through hell lou, and I don't take that as a joke. You need someone to lean on sometimes, yeah?" He sighs, and I break down. I start crying and I really don't know why.

"Harry.. don't go. Please." I'm sobbing and can't get out a decent sentence. He sits us on the floor with me in between his lap, with his forehead against mine.

"Lou, I have too-" he sighs so loud but I can barley hear anything he is saying. I attempt to take deep breaths but nothing is working. Tears are stinging their way down my face and I cannot breathe.

"Harry"

"Harry I can't"

"Harry please don't"

"Don't go"

I sob and struggle and cling onto everything that is surrounding me. Our bed, his hand against my cheek. I fight his hands on me for a long time before giving in and letting him comfort me but I can't breathe still.

Harry takes my hand and lays it on his heart. I concentrate solely on that and the rise and fall of his chest. He takes deep breathes and I lean into his arms while keeping my hand on his heart. I close my eyes and concentrate.

One

Two

Three

—

I counted to sixty before I could complete a full sentence.

"I'm sorry Haz, I don't know what that was. You need to go. Don't stay."

I felt myself close off and in all reality I was only trying to protect himself from my draining demeanor.

"No, I am not going. They can take these dumb conferences and shove it. It's all promo anyway. I'm not going." He sighs, running his hand through his hair.

"Haz, I'll" I sigh slowly "I'll be okay. I'll try to be okay."

We've been together eight years. You would think a boy like Harry would leave a wreck like me. I can only think about the time that I told him I was joining the army.

Flashback

'Last night was the longest night in my life' I talk to no one in particular. I sit in an over crowded bar with men of all ages, ranging from sixteen to about 60, and they are all celebrating.

Celebrating what?

The fact that tomorrow, we will all be apart of the US Military.

Last night, I threw a fit. I can't take the pressure anymore. We're struggling. Relationship wise, financially, we're struggling. I put myself through college with a minimum wage job at McDonald's. I had planned to become a teacher. I wanted my own theatre Job. I have a passion for theatre, I always have.  It's where I met the love of my life.