Life Goes On

Never enough (6)

I was forced into the closet by my management. They couldn't get a gay singer to go big, so I had to be straight. Straight and a womanizer.

"I respect women. They have a huge part in my heart." I try to explain to the interviews but since I was closeted, and forced to go on date after date with women so paps could get a photo, they all knew who they thought I was.

They had expectations.

When I was allowed to come out, I broke down all the walls. I explained to everyone Lou and I had been together five years at that point. He had started coming to my shows and interviews and everyone knew the real me.

Then they called me a liar, fake, and other horrible names. They told me I would never make it big enough. I'm just a little gay boy with greasy hair.

Louis isn't the only one that's messed up. When he went away, when he signed that contract. I went crazy. I started being irrational because I absolutely hated myself. I couldn't stand looking in the mirror. I was so scared of my management I drove the love of my life to enroll himself in the army. He joined the army because he was to scared to kill himself but he wanted to be dead.

That's what he told me one time. It was one of the first phone calls we had after he called me the night at that bar.

I still can hear him over the speaker of the phone.

Flashback

My phone rings unexpectedly, being that it's 2:30 in the morning. It didn't wake me up though because I've had a really hard time sleeping without him.

"Hello" I say tiredly. I didn't even bother to check ID. I figured it was management anyway. I hadn't gone to a single interview today and called off my tour around Florida, my home state. I was born in London and grew up there, but we moved to the states when I was in ninth grade. I still have a British accent.

"Hey Haz.." I hear the voice I've been dying to hear. It's been three weeks since the night I "cheated" on him. And I'm all honestly, that's exactly what it was. I should have never agreed to any of it.

"Louis? Is that you?" I sit up straight in my bed as I hold the phone close t my ear.

"Yeah, yeah it's me." He breathes out before continuing. "I'm so sorry Harry. I am so dumb. I joined the army because I was to scared to kill myself but I wanted to die. I'm so sad."

__

Louis always had it hard growing up. His dad left him when he was 13, because he was gay. After his dad left he tried to force himself to be straight to win his dad back. His mom encouraged him to change as well because she loved the guy.

After he was 'straight' he talked to his dad. They met up. His dad still didn't like him and he beat the shit out of Louis in an alley way, leaving him to bleed to death. He was found by a guy walking his girlfriend or something like that home, and he went to the hospital.

He went back to normal life, but he was never the same. He had completely pushed out everyone, and his mom moved him and his sisters to the states so they could get a fresh start.

That's where I come in. We met when he moved to my school and we had fourth period drama together. It took him a long while to admit best Friends don't kiss behind bleachers when no one was watching.

We started dating eight years ago and we've been going strong since. So when he left, when he tried to get himself killed, I did too.

Seems desperate, pathetic, love sick? Yeah, maybe. But if you don't understand what I feel for him then, you haven't met your soulmate. I can't imagine a life without love, and he is the love of this world. He lights mine up.

I ended up in the hospital, connected to all sorts of machines and my mom was there. I had tried to run myself off a bridge. Louis still doesn't know about it, and I don't think I will ever tell him. His mom does though, because when my mom got called to the hospital, she brought Jay.

They cried and yelled and cried some more, and all I could think was 'no one can know that I tried to commit suicide. Only they can know' It looked like an accident anyway.

I went crazy.

He's not the only one that's sad and messed up, and he's not the only one that loves the other so whole heartedly.
I want to give that boy the world, but what I really want to give him is happiness.

If he could be happy, then I could be happy.

I want us to be happy.

"Harry love, what are you doing?" A voice interrupts. I knew exactly who it was and my heart fluttered a bit.

"Just thinking" I sigh. He smiles crinkly eyed at me and I get out of bed, where I had been previously reading a book. I must have set the book down when I was day dreaming.

"Let's go eat lunch. Mom wants to meet up with us and we can call your mom too and all eat. They are itching to talk about the wedding you know." He giggles. I nod enthusiastically.

"Let's go to the dine down the road from where they live! It's one of my favorites." I reply, sitting up so I can throw on a clean pair of clothes. I undress quickly. When taking off my shirt though, I catch louis staring at my abs.

"I know" he whispers, suddenly in a trance. I take my time, loving the fact that I had him this way.

I pretend to not pay attention to him and when my shirts completely on, I ask him "know what?" With a playful smirk on my face.

"What! Oh!" He looks at my face and laughs "your a douche." He mumbles, slapping me away.

"I'm your douche!" I laugh as I pull him back for a kiss.