Life Goes On

Given a chance (8)

"- and all you really want, all I really want is to be given a chance. I understand the fact that he loves me, and I have an amazing family and amazing friends and just an amazing life really. I get that. I just need to be given a chance because what I really want is to show me, show the real Louis Tomlinson." I sigh, leaning back into the dumb couch I was sitting in.

"So who is the real 'Louis Tomlinson'? What are his fears and dreams? What makes him, him?"

"Brian, have you ever had that feeling where you feel as if no one knows who you are? You know you walk outside and you put on the 'award winning smile' -which it should be because I'm doing one hell of a job acting, so I deserve a damn award- but anyway, you are smiling and you even start to believe this personality? Like, obviously you know that's not the real you, but in a sense it is because you've been this person for so damn long that you've forgotten the real you? Your living by this new personalities dreams and fears. You have completely reshaped yourself into a person you don't recognize in the mirror and then it's like Bam!" I emphasize this with my hands as I talk. "Your not you anymore."

"So what your saying is, you've been living as this Faux Louis Tomlinson for so long that you don't really know the real one? You can't even begin to understand him?"

"Exactly."

__

"Ello?" I mumble, and when I pull my phone away to look at the time and quickly put it back to my ear, I sigh a heavy sigh.

"How's it going with Brian Julian?" Sargent Davis asks. I suddenly remember why I felt the need to hit him so many times over the years.

"No disrespect sir, but it's 6 o'clock in the morning over here, and I'm really tired, and yeah.." I sigh leaving the sentence to fill the air of my silent bedroom.

Davis- "Oh, yeah.. where is Harry?"

I slide our of bed and put the phone on speaker before answering.

"Down stairs I think. He gets up so early now a days because he's so jet leg or something." I search the room for a pair of pants before just settling for a large oversized sweater that was Hazza's.

I slip It on my bare body along with some boxers from last night and I pick my phone up, sliding back under the warm white blanket Harry and I share.

Davis- "I see, does he know your seeing Brian?"

Louis- "No. I'm not going to tell him until I'm better. He doesn't need to pity me and think that I am weak. I️ am not weak, I just need a little help.

Davis-"I know that son."

"I know you know." I say frustratedly.

Davis- "then why are you yelling at me?"

Lou- "I'm sorry sir. I'm not, I didnt mean it. No disrespect?"

Davis- "no sir, I know you mean no disrespect. How many times have you seen him?"

Lou-" um, I think about 4 times. Harry thinks I'm going to the gym." I laugh before continuing. "So usually I go and see him for about an hour and then I go work out."

Davis- "has he helped any?"

Louis - "I'm not sure, he isn't hurting Me I guess. He forces me to say everything I usually lock away. It's like he has a weapon on me and all I do is spill my guts, like wonder woman's rope making anyone touching it tell the truth."

Davis- "is that a bad thing lou?"

Louis -" The old me would have thought so, but I'm not quite sure anymore.