Free Me (bxb)

Part 47

They force themselves to wake up at five-thirty the next morning, getting out of bed at the last possible minute. They have school today and it would be suspicious enough that they skipped the overnight with counselors, and if they wound up skipping the entire next day too... Griffin doesn't even want to think about the rumors that would spread.

Griffin is too tired to even wonder if he's being awkward around Keith after what happened last night when he started freaking out about them sharing a bed together, and he can't tell if Keith isn't talking to him because he's upset now or if he's just tired. They stumble out of the hotel room then blearily make their way down the sidewalk with the rest of working people that are sleepily heading to work, get to the parking garage, then stop by a donut shop about halfway back to town.

They have enough time to get a couple donuts and good coffee, so they eat inside the donut shop, still not saying much. Keith doesn't seem upset, and he hasn't ever been more of a talker than Griffin, so he tries to not read too much into it. When they have some coffee in their system and the bags under their eyes aren't as prominent as they were when they first walked inside the donut shop, Keith gives Griffin a small grin behind the rim of his coffee cup, and Griffin can tell by the way Keith's eyes kind of crinkle at the corners.

"You feeling better?" Keith asks him softly, almost hesitantly, which Griffin thinks is a strange way for Keith to sound. Keith doesn't have an overwhelmingly good amount of confidence, at least not that Griffin has noticed, but he doesn't often sound hesitant or reluctant.

"I'm not freaking out anymore if that's what you mean," Griffin murmurs behind his own coffee cup. He still feels guilty over Keith sleeping on the couch because he isn't brave enough to share a bed with him; the least he could have done was take the couch instead, but he didn't even do that. "I was fine after-"

"I got on the couch? I thought you would. You know... I want to help you, Griffin. Forcing you to do things you aren't comfortable with yet isn't the way to do that. I'm not- it didn't hurt my feelings or anything. I get it. I'm gay too, you know?"

Griffin's body rocks back as if Keith physically reached across the table and slapped him, but he might as well have done that very thing. They weren't in the city anymore, Griffin couldn't pretend to be somebody like Rick Anderton anymore, and Keith couldn't say things like that anymore. "I'm not," he hisses, and Keith blinks, flinching back himself a little. Griffin doesn't have it in him to feel bad, he's too flooded with panic over the thought that someone could have heard. "I don't know what the hell is wrong with me, but it's not that."

"Right," Keith drawls, and this time he is upset, Griffin would be dumb not to be able to pick up on that. "I guess you don't need any help then."

"You're right, I don't," Griffin snaps, because admitting that he did need help with whatever was wrong with him was admitting that he really was... well, gay. But he wasn't. He wasn't- he just had something off about him and sometimes he wanted to kiss Keith and look at other guys he thought were good-looking but that didn't mean- it couldn't mean that he was gay. Gay people in Tivoli never stayed, gay kids in Tivoli never heard from their parents again after they were found out, gay kids in Tivoli just didn't make it there. He wasn't going to be one of those kids.

"Let's just go. I need you to drop me off on my road so I can get new clothes," Keith says, his voice terse as he throws his half-empty coffee cup away and the bag his donut came in. Griffin blinks up at him and he knows, no matter how much he wants it to, this friendship between them isn't going to last. It isn't going to become anything more like Keith probably wants it to, it's just going to disintegrate until they don't talk to each other anymore at all. Griffin is dreading the time when that happens, but there's no way he'll be able to stop it.

"Fine," Griffin replies, stands to toss his trash as well before they head out to where Griffin parked his bike. They get into Tivoli within another fifteen minutes, and Griffin drops Keith off at the end of his road just like he asked him to earlier. When Keith clambers off the bike and hands him back his helmet, he stands there as if he's expecting Griffin to say something, maybe an apology. Griffin should, he really should say that he's sorry, but he can't bring himself to because if he apologizes then that means maybe Keith is right and he just can't be.

So, instead of saying what it is that Keith is wanting, he tucks the helmet up underneath his arm and speeds down the road towards his house. If luck is on his side then his dad should already be gone and shouldn't even know that Griffin had skipped the overnight trip with counselors. Luck hasn't been on his side much at all today thus far, but when he gets home to change his clothes, his dad isn't there and is probably at the school waiting to pick him up to bring his home so he can change. He stalls going to the school so he doesn't run into his dad on the way there, and he leaves at the last possible minute.

As soon as he steps through the doors of the school, all eyes are on him in the hallway and all the whispers cease. 

Shit.