Rescued

Dilemma(6)

*
Rayven Williams-Logan

To hear, for the second time, that I lost my baby was one of the most devastating feelings I could ever have. It was a feeling I prayed to never have again but here I am.

Heart broken.

This is the most I cried since Dom and I took a break. It was a different kind of heartache to me. The worst of them all.

"Are you hungry?" Dom asked me as we drove back home.

"No."

"Rayven you been up since two in the morning, it's six. You gotta eat."

"I'm not hungry."

He sighed and looked back at the road.

We got home and the first thing I was greeted with was hugs from my babies.

"I'm sorry, mama." Victoria whispered, hugging me tighter.

I gave them all a kiss and then went upstairs to see Victoria changed and made the bed for me. I smiled as much as possible and laid down, closing my eyes to try and stop my forming tears.

When I woke up, Dom and the kids were eating dinner. Damn, I slept for awhile.

"Hi mama!" Chris hugged my legs and I smiled.

"Hi guys." I smiled.

"Hey baby, you hungry? You gotta be. I'll go make your plate-"

"I'll do it, Dom. Thankyou though."

"Are you sure? Cause I can-"

"I'm sure."

Going to the kitchen, I looked at what he had made. Baked chicken and rice. I wasn't even really hungry but I needed to eat and Dom would bug me all night if I didn't so I made a small plate and sat down at the table.

It was weirdly silent and I felt like everyone was being awkward because of me.

"Dinners good." I spoke.

"Thankyou."

Putting my fork down, I looked at everyone.

"Guys, eat."

"Sorry, ma. We were just worried." Victoria said.

"Don't worry about me, I'm okay. Eat, please."

Everyone returned to eating their dinner, as did I. Once we were done, the kids cleaned their plates and then put them in the sink.

"Mama, can you help me with one of my dolls, please?" Nalani asked me.

"Sure, baby. I'll come help in a minute, okay?"

"Okay."

Turning back around so I could wash my plate, I seen Dom staring at me.

"What?"

"Are you okay?"

"Is that even a question?"

"You right." He sighed. "I just...I don't want us to do how we did last time this happened. If you wanna talk about it or just cry, we can."

I smiled. "I really don't wanna dwell on it too much to be honest. Things didn't work out but we have four beautiful kids still and gained another angel so can't be too sad, right?"

"Yeah..."

"Thankyou though." I leaned up and pecked his lips. "Love you."

"I love you, too."

I gave a small smile and then went to go help Nalani with her doll.

The next couple days consisted on calls and visits from our friends and family expressing how sorry they were that that happened to us and I appreciated it greatly but annoyed me at the same time because it was like they were poking at a sensitive spot everytime.

Believe me, theres days where I want to just lay in bed all day and cry but I'm a mother to four other kids and I have things to get done. I felt bad that the miscarriage happened on the day I promised Christopher him and I would spend the day together but he understood and has been the best little helper/hug and kiss giver I could ask for.

Nalani and Kalysse will come in and clean the room if they feel like it's messy and tell me to "relax".

And Victoria will offer to cook dinner if I don't feel up to it and do the dishes and all that.

And Dom basically does all that combined because he says I should take some time for a few days.

I appreciate all of them trying to make this easier on me but I actually liked doing things around the house because it occupied my mind and brought me a level of peace and relaxation. I told Dominique that but his big head ass never wants to listen.

"Aight, kids are put to bed, house is locked up, now I can go to bed." He closed our door and laid in bed next to me.

"Dom."

"Hm?"

"I appreciate you and the kids doing things for me and having me relax but honestly, I feel way better when I'm up and cleaning or cooking. I don't want the kids to think back on this time in their life and remember how they had to do things because mommy wasn't, you know? And Victoria, I love my baby, but she asks me if I'm okay everyday and I just feel like I should be asking her that as much as she asks me. I just want us to go back to the normal flow of the household."

"Okay..I hear you."

"But?" I asked, feeling like he was gonna try and add more to sway my mind.

"But nothin'." He chuckled. "If it makes you feel better, then we'll chill on tryna put you on temporary bedrest."

I giggled. "Thankyou. There's something else I wanted to talk to you about."

"Shoot."

"So, I was thinking about just getting my tubes tied so I don't have to worry about getting pregnant anymore since you don't like wearing condoms."

"We married, what the hell we need a condom for? I didn't even use a condom the first time we had sex."

"Been tryna trap me since the beginning." I joked making him laugh.

"You damn right." He smirked. "But you sure this is what you want though?"

"I mean...I feel like it's the best option. I wanna try for a baby one more time but unless I have a guarantee that the baby will go full term with no complications, I'll be super anxious and scared that we'll miscarry a third time and I can't go through it again. But I know theres really no way to control that which is why I feel like it's better to just get the procedure done and call it a day."

He nodded. "That's true. Well if this is really what you want, I support whatever you wanna do, baby. It won't hurt you or cause any complications or nothin' right?"

"There is things that could happen but they're all minor or rare. Trust me, I googled the shit out of it before I even said I was gonna do it."

"I already know you did."

"Thankyou for doing all you've done for the past few days. And for supporting my decision. I wish we could've had another baby but I guess that wasn't in the plans for us."

"Don't gotta thank me, that's my job as the best, funniest, sexiest most understanding husband-"

"Here you go." I rolled my eyes and he laughed, wrapping me up in his arms and kissing all over my face.

"I love you."

"I love you too, big head." I smiled, giving him a kiss.

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Next little outtake of Rayven and Dominique will be super happy and sweet. No more sad times, I swear😂❤