The Great Galactic Service Station

Part 5 - A Pint of Lager and a Packet of Pork Scratchings

There is a certain amount of discomfort that one feels when walking into a pub ans everyone looks around at you. In fact there's a lot of discomfort. All you can do is stand there and hope an epiphany comes to you while you stand there asking questions like:

Do these people want to kill me?

Is the man I passed on the way in going to shuffle me off my mortal coil by strangling me or just walk behind me and tell me to 'sling me hook'?

Will a fight break out if I ask for a pint of old speckled hen?

Are these people staring at the tomato ketchup stain on my shirt?

These were the questions running through the minds of both Miranda and Ralph as they looked on at the occupants of the Green Dragon Pub. For what seemed like an eternity no one moved or said anything.

"What do we do now?" Ralph hissed out of the side of his mouth. He was trying not to be heard, but in truth anyone could hear a pin drop. Miranda said nothing and just stood there paralysed.

"You got summink to say?" Came the taunt of a large, bald, bearded drinker. He looked so large to Ralph that he imagined he could pick him up, scrunch him into a ball and use him to play skittles in the pub bowling lane. Ralph sealed his mouth, hoping that his offence would be forgotten in a few moments.

"I said, you got summink to say ketchup boy?" The large man repeated.

"Errr" Ralph squeaked "If it's not too much bother, would it be possible to have a pint of your best lager and a packet of pork scratchings please?" Ralph's tone didn't get below mouse squeak for the entire sentence.

"Course you can! Stop making the doorway look untidy! What does the lady want?" At this moment everyone started their conversations again, Ralph took Miranda by the hand and pulled her with him.

"Human... stop... please!" Miranda pleaded. Ralph just pulled her with him

"She'll have a white wine spritzer please!" Ralph announced more confidently.

"She can have a lager like the rest of us!" The large man told Ralph.

"Larger is fine!" Ralph told him "Can she have pork scratchings too please?" Ralph asked politely.

"Certainly mate!" The man told Ralph, adopting a more friendly tone. Go and sit by the window in the corner. It's very nice there!" The man was being friendly but the gravelly hard man voice was not something to take lightly. Ralph took the two lagers and carried the pork scratchings in his mouth. When they reached the table in the corner Ralph put the pints down and dropped the pork scratchings from his mouth onto the table.

"Here, let's sit down." Ralph motioned.

"Not now human, I have something to do." Miranda was looking around "I'll be back in a minute!" With that Miranda was off in the direction of a dark corner of the pub. Ralph sat down, pulling open one of the packets of pork scratchings and began munching on them. He began tired of looking looking at what Miranda was doing and began looking out of the window at the people passing in the street and that Mini. What was with that car? He couldn't see anything different about it but it went a speed that was unbelievable. For a few moments Ralph was lost in this thoughts, then suddenly he was disturbed by Miranda's return.

"Have you seen him before?" Miranda was motioning towards Ralph. Two rather ordinary looking men in jeans and t-shirts shook their heads. Miranda sighed and sat down. The two men also sat down. Miranda put her head into her hands and pushed her fingers into her hair before looking up at Ralph again.