Gunpowder

Hello Douche Bag

        KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK

        ........ Who... The....Fuck is banging on your door this early in the morning. 

        Well, it was actually noon, but you were asleep and they woke you up and that is all that mattered to you. You were about to get up to answer the door when Jack walked by.

        "Go back to sleep, I'll deal with it," he said heading towards the door.

        "I won't argue with that," you sleepily mumbled into the arm of the couch you were using as a pillow.

        You were teetering on the edge of sleep when the door slamming open jolted you into alertness. Looking over your shoulder, the blurry figure of Victor came into view. Victor was a good friend of yours... well, he was more a friend to the family, your family, and that kinda made him family... Like a cool stepbrother or something.....Those exist right?

        Anyway, Victor stormed in, a look of pure rage on his face, the kind of rage that said 'Oh, hi there, I'm about to rip you a new ass.' And, oh, was he about to.

        He marched over to you and promptly smacked you up side the head.

        "WHERE THE FUCK HAVE YOU BEEN!?!?!?!"

        "Hello to you too douche bag," you said casually, holding the spot on your head that was now throbbing.

        A load grinding noise filled the room as Victor tried not to strangle you.

        "That's bad for your teeth," you mumbled.

        "And my fists are bad for your face, now shut up unless your telling me where you've been."

        "Here."

        Victor let out some noises of frustration, and made a strangling motion, before walking away to the kitchen. Some cupboards banged before some plates were shattered. 

        "Those better be your plates," you called out.

        "Shut up! You know I'll replace them."

        Yeah, Victor has anger issues, but at least he deals with it in a some what healthy way. It just costs a bit more than most. After a minute or two of relative silence, with a bit of shuffling here and there, Victor came back into the living room.

        "OK," he started after taking a deep breath, " let's try this again. Where have you been for the last two weeks, and what have you been doing. Oh, and if you give me another shit answer, I'm calling mom."

        You gasped.

        "You dirty hooker," you breathed out.

        "You know it sweetie. Now speak."

        Groaning you responded, "I've been here, resting up, OK? I jacked up my leg, and have been waiting for it to get better."

        Victor seemed to ponder this for a moment... before hitting you up side the head again.

        "Owww!!! What the hell was that for, I told you the truth."

        "That was for not telling me anything, and leaving me all by myself during our lunches."

        "Shit."

        You forgot about that. Victor and you would usually go out to eat avery Tuesday for lunch, it was a tradition. Missing one because something came up is fine, but missing two without talking to Victor was a death sentence. The last time you missed two lunches in a row, he refused to talk to you for a month. You still went on the lunches though, they were just silent and awkward, and a living hell. Victor wasn't a quiet type, so sitting with him for an hour and a half in silence was horrible.

        "I'm sorry, I wasn't allowed to move around, doctors orders."

        "Which doctor?"

        That was when Jack cleared his throat and got Victor's attention. You watched as Victor sized Jack up, physically moving his head up and down. After a moment, Victor walked over to the other man and started to push him towards to apartment door.

        "I'm sorry, but you'll need to give us a second to talk," Victor said before Jack could protest, and shoved him into the hallway, slamming the door shut.

        There was a moment of silence before you friend looked back at you with a giant smirk on his face.

        "No, don't even think that way you sick perv," you stated.

        "Oh, but I am thinking that way," he responded, "And if you don't snatch him up, I sure the hell will."

        You let out a groan.

        "I thought you had a girlfriend abroad or something."

        "Yeah, but she is obviously cheating on me with her 'cousin'. Besides I haven't had a man in awhile."

        "God, why do you have to talk about him as if he's a piece of meat."

        "Because I bet he is real meaty," Victor wiggled his eyebrows, and you made a gagging motion. "How did you meet him anyway?"

        "He was bleeding out in the garage, so I took him in."

        As soon as those words came out of your mouth, you received another smack to the head.

        "I think I'm getting a concussion," you mumbled.

        "What have we told you about bringing strangers into the house?!?!?"

        "It's my house so fuck off!!!"

        "Do you know what, when you turn up murdered I'm going to laugh my ass off in the interview, and tell them you had it coming."

        "Yeah, you do that and you can bet your ass you'll have a man in prison."

        "Oh, shut up," you stuck out your tongue, "So, when are you off bed rest?"

        "Should be good tomorrow. I'm getting the stitches removed tonight."

        "Stitches? You said nothing about stitches. Why the hell do you have stitches?"

        "Cause I got hurt."

        "Stop being a smart ass, and tell me why you have stitches."

        "No, cause you'd never shut up about it if I told you, and don't even try to deny it."

        Victor was silent for a moment, before letting out some grumbles and heading to the door. Once there, he opened it and let Jack back in.

        "You better take care of her doctor dude, cause if you don't, they won't find the body," and with that your friend left.

        Jack stood there, still trying to process all that had happened.

        "Well, he was eccentric."

        "You have no idea."