I am no one, I'm nothing

Capitulo Seis

"Aldonza, it's the fourth time this week that I've asked, practically begged, and yet I've received nothing!" Fernando cried, wiping a dirty hand across his furrowed forehead. "They're not honest men."

"What's new?" She replied darkly, scrubbing from a chipped bowl the remains from the previous evening's supper. "Have we ever had truly honest men here?" Even Pedro, who she considered a gentlemen when compared to his broodish friends, had been acting disrespectfully, eating more than twice his share at supper and failing to pay the innkeeper their agreed price for room and board and utilities. Aldonza had meant to talk to him about it during their private encounters, though something had always gotten in the way.

"We've made enough to get by before." The innkeeper replied defensively as he recounted the wimpy stack of bills and added the coins. "They need to pay up or get out." Aldonza nodded responsively as she tended to the dishes, the mugs, the souring milk and aging wine. "Have you been trying harder, hija?" He asked her gruffly, fixing an exasperated stare at her.

"I, well... Pedro paid me once."

"Once." The innkeeper repeated, his gaze intensifying, the wheels and cogs in his brain turning, processing. "Aye, but, and correct me if I'm wrong-I've been under the impression that you have been seeing him frequently, even regularly."

It wasn't a question, and as Aldonza prepared a defense, the innkeeper continued. "Just because a man with nice hair and built form comes in and seeks a fancy in you, my dear, does not mean he loves you."

"But I-" Aldonza began.

"But you love him, don't you?" Fernando clucked his tongue with a roll of his eyes. "Ahh, mi hija, it's not love. You're too-"

"Too what?" Aldonza asked, her reproachful voice dripping with venom. "Too young? I'm twenty-three years old! Am I too inexperienced?" She tipped her head back and cackled, throwing a bowl she was currently washing to the floor with a sturdy clank. "Do you know how many men I've been forced to sleep with, to pleasure? You're quick to take the money and not even think about the consequences, the heartache, the wear and tear it causes Aldonza, because she's dispensable. 'They're all the same!' they say, you know they do! Well then why does Pedro keep coming back to me, huh? Why does he tell me I'm special, I'm his amor? It can't be love, because Aldonza's head is too full of shit for that, is that right, Fernando? Is that what you're getting at?"

"Aldonza, I-"The withered man spoke with measured voice. "I didn't mean to make you so upset. You know I care about you, my daughter."

The young woman inhaled deeply and spat on the floor, her lip coiled back, near the toe of his boots. "You can't even say you love me." She snarled in an irritable, quiet voice. "I get it. I probably wouldn't be able to understand it anyways." Aldonza threw the rag harshly into the sink, murky, soapy water spilling out over the sides of the basin as she marched with heavy steps through the depths of the inn.

Throwing open the heavy wooden doors to the opposing courtyard, Aldonza pushed through them and into the blinding light of day. Dark clouds were covering the sky like a permanent shade, copying her emotions by drowning its captives with a cool breeze, the smell of imminent rain. Perhaps she was reacting so harshly to Fernando's question because she knew, in the corner of her heated heart, that is fatherly wisdom was correct. Perhaps Pedro was only using her to fulfil his manly needs, ones that had probably been denied since their last encounter at a shady inn. She was the only one with tits walking around this joint; was she merely a pawn used in his tricky game? Were his words only decoys that would be destroyed once he had had enough of her and was time to leave, move on to the next town, the next inn, the next woman who was forced to sell herself because of the conditions she had been molded into? Aldonza shook her head, as if trying to physically rid herself of the contradicting thoughts, and entered the inn once more. Trudging through the halls, she wound her way through the maze until she had reached the darkened servants' quarters, the internal kitchen of sorts where she prepared the meat, butchered the pigs. "Aldonza?" A voice called from the far end of the kitchen. "Is that you, mi gato?" Aldonza peered into the darkness until a firm pair of arms gripped her shoulders, causing her to startle with a piercing scream. "Shh, shh, it's just me." Pedro told her, cooed. He lit a candle and placed it on the counter, but Aldonza was already moving towards him, closing the gap between their bodies.