I am no one, I'm nothing

Capitulo Dieciseis

"Open the door, quickly!" Sister Julia commanded as she and the other Sister struggled to hold Don Quixote's limp figure in their arms. Complying, Aldonza nudged the door open with her hip and stood inside her old room as the older women brought him in and heaved him onto the bed with a rough drop. "There." One of them stated, appraising him before turning to the door, preparing to exit.

"Shouldn't we check on him?" Sister Maria asked her partner, neglecting the fact that Aldonza was even in the room, hovering by the door until she was instructed.

"What's there to check on a comatose madman?" Sister Julia asked roughly. "Wait 'till he wakes up. That's when the real fun begins." She rolled her eyes and maneuvered to the door. "Come, Sister."

Sister Maria glanced at the old, injured man with heavy eyes, hesitantly turning to walk with the other sister. "Come," Sister Julia repeated. "Aldonza can take care of it, right?" Sister Julia fixed a piercing stare on Aldonza, begging her to say differently.

Aldonza nodded minutely, staring directly into the Sisters' eyes as she watched their black gowns flutter behind them and out of sight. She turned to face the old man and ambled slowly towards his bed, her feet dragging with a peculiar sense of dread. Why was she of all people being placed in such a situation? Just a few weeks ago she had been told that she was a guest, that she wouldn't need to lift a single finger for anything her heart could dream of, desire. Now she was clearing dishes, taking care of people, being told through snide glares and body language that she was unable to show affection towards the man she loved simply because of the roof they were under and the circumstances that rode on its transparent coattails.

Why was she complying? Why was she allowing herself to be told what to do? And, more importantly-why was she doing it? Where had her sense of spunk gone? Where was her sense of snarky pride? Had it been killed when she had been forced to kill her only family, otherwise she would have died herself and surely Pedro and Anselmo would have paid the price as well? What was she to honestly do in that situation? Had she made the right decision, despite the split second reaction time she had had to unconsciously make it?

She sighed heavily and dunked a clean rag into a bowl of water next to Don Quixote's bed, and slowly brought it out, draining it of water with a few twists. She dragged it softly over his face, his neck, his scarred and wounded arms. As she cleaned his cuts and began to apply bandages, her mind wandered to the final evening she had been with her father, before Paco and Juan asserted their dominance and forced Pedro and Aldonza out of El Tobozo.

Pedro. Aldonza squeezed shut her eyes and thought of him longingly. His sun-kissed skin filled her eyes with a dream-like presence; his olive eyes stared at her, and his lips formed a hilarious smirk just waiting to meet her lips with a passionate smack.

Something was different, though. Something was changing within her, and within him as well. They were one. They were changing together, like caterpillars that were nestled in the same cocoon that would transform themselves into new beings. But what would they change into? When they emerged, who would they be? Was it religion? Were they shedding their old skins, ways, ideas and transforming into something that would please the Almighty Father? Or were they merely pretending, traveling through the Cathedral incognito so they could reap the benefits of the pleasurable life, the one they had, up until this point, never experienced so they could merely enjoy the pliable hospitality of trusting people of God? How was Aldonza to know which option Pedro was choosing? And what about herself-everything she had known in life was considered here to be a sin. And yet her "sinful" ways were what made her feel alive, were what gave her purpose and substantiality. It was through her sinful acts that she met Pedro. It was through her sinful actions that she fell in love. It was through her sinful actions that she found God.