I am no one, I'm nothing

Capitulo Nieve

Aldonza writhed against the mattress for the second time in the last twenty-four hours, her fists clenching the fabric and hay with fierce passion. "Mother of God!" She hissed, biting down on her bleeding lips, tasting the irony flavor of blood, of sweat dripping down her strained forehead, of tears rolling down her puffy cheeks.

Fernando gripped her arm as Pedro sat between her legs, sliding the rag into the pulsating woman. "Lo siento," He murmured with a steady hand, inching the rag farther into her body. "Lo siento, lo siento, lo siento." His eyes were angled with a dejected slant, focused on the task at hand.

"This is what they say to do," Fernando murmured to her in a gentle voice. "For those who wish to rid themselves of the poisons." He shook his head grimly with pursed lips, grumbling about the attack and the very need for this situation. "Lemon juice and goats milk," He murmured as Pedro completely inserted the rag. "For three hours, legs elevated. Will rid anyone of any chance of child, as well as anything received from the act itself." Aldonza slowly lowered her legs to the ground as she clutched her stomach, where Pedro was now rubbing a salve on her many bruises, cuts and lacerations. "No, mi hija, your legs have to be elevated." He told her sternly, releasing his firm grip on her arm now that she was no longer fighting. He stood and retrieved a chair from the courtyard, returning and placing it so that she could lean her legs against it. The young woman whimpered grimly as she was poked and prodded. Finally, after what seemed like hours, they were done. Fernando retired to unknown depths of the inn while Pedro made a bed next to her, lying against the hard floor against his propped up elbow. A sad look turned his countenance awry as he took turns staring at her crumbled form, her elevated legs, her depressed visage.

"I'm so sorry." He murmured, picking up her hand and rubbing it soothingly with his own.

Aldonza remained silent, listening to the cock's first crow, the grumble of waking men, the cackling of a newborn fire.

"Do you know-" Pedro began in a desperate voice.

"No." Aldonza replied with decisive finality. "I don't know. You don't know if you're with child for four weeks, five. If you miss the week of blood, the monthly period."

"Well then why was that crack-ass lady so sure you were-"

"I don't know." Aldonza snapped, more upset with herself for being so stupid than with Pedro's innocent questions. "I don't know, okay? I guess I just got-" She caught herself, halted. "It doesn't matter."

"What?" Pedro asked, a sliver of hope tickling his voice. "What were you saying? Are you saying-" He gripped her hand tighter, placing a kiss one the outstretched fingers. "That you were excited at the prospect of having a child? Possibly-my child?"

The words were released and hung in the air between the two lovers, separating them and yet drawing them closer. "It would never work." Aldonza told him wearily, having been haunted by these images, these impossibilities, these desires. "You're going to leave, I'm going to constantly be sleeping around-people like me," She choked out. "Are not supposed to have kids."

Pedro scooted closer to her until his lips and nose were pressed into her neck, his arm stretching across her body so that he was wrapping her in a consoling hug. She pressed herself to his form and choked out a sob, her frame wracking against him like waves to the shore of the distant ocean. He held her and comforted her, cooing gently that everything was going to be okay.

"It hurt so bad, Pedro." Aldonza cried into his chest, streaking his shirt with rough, salty tears. "I thought I was going to die. And then when I came to, when I realized what had happened-I thought I was going to die from embarrassment. I was p-prepared to die in that damned alleyway." He stroked her hair, pushing it behind her ear and reassuringly rubbing her hand, squeezing gently. "The worst part of this whole event, though, is that I had hope. And then-" She cleared her throat and sniffled loudly, red, swollen eyes leaking inevitable tears. "It was ripped from me.