More Than Friends

chapter 19

4 weeks later

Todays the day. Jonah has been stoked about finding out the gender and Im pretty sure hes more excited about the baby then I am. Sure, I would love to have a baby with jonah, and ita not that im not excited about it, but I dont think im ready.

"I think we should throw a baby shower to tell everyone the gender," jonah suggests. We were on our way back to the hospital (or wherever it is that you find out the gender, im stupid so idk) and jonah was actually jumping in his seat.

I shrug. "Okay." I can feel jonahs eyes on me so I look over at him.

"Bailey, are you okay?" He asks lightly. His eyes move from the road to me every couple of seconds. I shrug again. "Whats wrong?"

I dont answer right away. I dont even know what to say. I cant just tell him that im not ready, it kill him. "I dont know."

"Bailey-"

"Jonah, im fine. Its nothing." Jonah pulls over and shuts off the car. "Jonah were gonna be la-"

"Then tell me whats wrong." He unbuckles and shuffles his body so its facing me.

"I cant."

"Why not?" Jonahs eyebrows furrow together.

"I just cant-"

"Why?! Not?!" His voice raises and my shitty hormones kick in. I start crying, yes, crying. I try to stop but my hormones are kicking my ass. Jonah doesnt back down though, and some part of me is thanking him. I dont want him to go soft on me. I want to tell him but I dont want to hurt him either. "Bailey answer me please."

"I dont think im ready for a baby," I whisper. Jonahs face finally softens. He shuffles back so hes facing the windshield. After a few seconds he exits the car.

I rest my head on the back of the seat. What am I doing? This is where ive always wanted to be. Just a few things have changed.

Im having a baby with jonah. But im having it at 19. Im with jonah after a year of pain. But im pregnant with his baby. Im having a baby. But im not married.

I exit the car and look over to see jonah leaning on his side of the car. I walk around and stand next to him.

"Im sorry." Jonah says, breaking the silence. I look up at him, but his eyes remain ahead. I was about to ask him what for, but he wasnt finished. "Im sorry for making you feel unloved. Im sorry for cheating. Im sorry for keeping secrets before. Im sorry I went back to Alice. Im sorry I put you back in your old place. Im sorry for blaming everything on you. Im sorry for being an idiot and having sex with you while you were upset. Im sorry for forgetting protection. Im sorry for getting you pregnant. Im sorry for everything."

My tears dried on my face. Is he really this upset with himself? "Jonah-"

"Its all my fault. Everything. I cheated, which ended us, then went back to Alice. I hurt you and blamed you, which made you feel unloved and you cut yourself. I agreed to having sex with you when you were upset. I forgot the protection. I fucked you which got you pregnant. I did all of it. Me."

"Im sorry," I said. Jonah looked at me like id lost my mind completely; I kept my eyes ahead like he had. "Im sorry for not asking you about our relationship. Im sorry for not living up to good expectations. Im sorry for freaking out about you and Alice when it wasnt my place. Im sorry for cutting. Im sorry for bringing you along to my mothers funeral even though she didnt approve of you.  Im sorry for putting you in a weird spot. Im sorry for having sex with you. Im sorry for not reminding you about protection. Im sorry for not being on the pill. Im sorry."

"Its not your fault."

"But its not yours either."

"But its more my fault than it is yours."

"Is it a competition now?" I ask playfully. I look at him with my eyebrows raised and my lip curled in a smirk. Jonahs lips twitch up and he cant help but smile.

"You cant blame yourself." We face each other.

"And you cant blame yourself either." He pushes a piece of hair out of my face and places it behind my ear. His hand rested on my cheek and I leaned into it.

"So who do we blame?"

"Choices." His thumb brushes little circles under my eyes. "Its our choices that made everything turn out this way."

"Should we get going?" I nod. He pulls me into a kiss. "I love you."

"I love you too." Jonah walks over to my side and holds the door open for me.

"Jonah, I cant think of anything better then to be pregnant with your baby. And, I was wondering..."

"Yes?"

I dig into my pocket and pull out a silver ring. "Will you marry me?"