Journey into Faith

WHEN ALL IS LOST

Hello dear Reader,

How are you feeling nowadays? Have you been so down lately because of the monthly rush of things? How are you doing with your family?

Are you barely hanging on because of the non-stop pressure of schoolwork and such? Have happiness left you since you lost all those you hold dear in your life?

I tell you, you are not alone my friend.

I've been in your shoe a couple of times and yes you are right, it sucks. It sucks to feel down all the time. To feel sad most of the time. To feel burdened all the time. Worse, it sucks to be hopeless most of the time.

Maybe some, if not most of your problems are bigger than mine, or much worse than mine but no matter how big or how small, a problem's a problem. And we all face the same thing, we deal with it like almost every single day.

I've been wanting to tell you this that for some time now, I dislike to come into the presence of God. Burn right? I am a Christian but why do I feel these things? Is this normal? Or is this just me turning my back against God?

As a human being, it is normal to feel depressed of the heavy burdens we carry every day. And as a Christian, it is sort of a rebel against God to dislike coming into His presence. I'm not saying that it is okay because it's normal, but I guess we  too can experience some down moments in some parts of our lives. 

It came to me to cover my ears when I hear God's word. Not because I was so full of it, but because I came to cease believing that there is still hope for me to make myself useful and turn my life around.

I stopped having my devotions, I even stopped praying. Yes, I purposely hardened my heart before God. Because for me, what's the use of everything I have done for Him when my life is one heck of a mess!?

I am 26 years old, engaged, and ready to be married by 2019. But the sour part is, I AM JOBLESS. And you know how sucking it is when you are in a marital stage like how can I possibly have a wedding when I don't even have a single cent for it?

How can I financially help my brother in his schooling or my parents for their financial medical needs when THEIR ELDEST DAUGHTER IS JOBLESS?? 

I've been handing out my resumes for many companies but not one, NOT ONE company phoned me for an interview. As if being jobless is not enough, I always have unwanted pressures around my parents even when they say nothing bad against me but I can't help but feel ashamed to be jobless. 

And not to mention that all your friends are having jobs of their own, making money and venturing out to spent what they earn.  I felt jealous and depraved.

I began to compare my servitude to God versus those who googled their time with work and not even giving God a second of their time.

And that's when I hit the bottom.