Ever So Lightly- Book 1

41

A light knock sounded at the door. Jasper winced as he sat up straighter, pulling the blanket covering his legs up over his stomach, careful to keep the fabric away from his wounds. A moment later, the door opened an inch and brilliant green eyes peeked in. Jasper gave Zephyr a strained smile, which she returned with that infuriating small smile of her own as she stepped the rest of the way into the room.

"How are you feeling?" Zephyr took the seat next to his sickbed, leaning towards him ever so slightly.

"I've definitely been better." Self conscious of his barely clothed state, Jasper tugged the blanket higher before turning to face the girl next to him. Her face hit him like a wall every time with its sincerity.

"That's good," Zephyr said, seemingly at a loss for more words. Her eyes drifted away from his own, to the gash running down the side of his face.

"The nurse said it will probably scar," Jasper told her, flashing a bit of a grin. "Maybe it'll make me look more dashing." Zephyr looked down at her lap, a smile overtaking her features.

"Maybe it will," she said, her voice light as air. Jasper longed to reach out for her small hands now twisting together.

"So," he said, struggling to keep some sort of conversation going. "Your grandfather is alive." Zephyr met his eyes once more, her own gleaming with delight.

"He is, and he's absolutely wonderful, Jasper." The pure happiness that she now radiated shook him more than anything yet. "Stars, I never thought I'd have a real family aside from Saria and Agitha. Matthew is my own blood, and somehow we found each other." She paused, growing thoughtful. "And I have you and Bennet now too."

Jasper took a chance, reaching out and grasping her small hand in his own.

"You do. You'll always have us."

"I hope so." There was that small smile again, somehow brightening her eyes even more, before the look dissipated into something more filled with worry.

"Jasper," she continued. "As much as I want you always in my corner, I don't want to string you along." Zephyr paused, taking a moment to gather herself. Jasper braced for the impact. "The fact that I can't even understand exactly what it is I want from you, for us right now shows that I'm not ready for this. I can't make a commitment. I can't make any promises yet. All I can do is hope that when all of this blows over you'll still be there. But I can't ask you to wait for me. As much as I want to be that selfish, I care about you too much to ask that of you."

Jasper heaved a sigh, relaxing back into his pillows. Well, that hadn't been as bad as he'd expected. He gave her small hand a light squeeze.

"Who says I'm ready for any of this either? Stars, Zephyr, I want something between us, but the timing couldn't be worse. I want to be there for you as your friend before anything else. And as long as you can be that for me as well, then I don't need more." A weight seemed to lift from her shoulders as he spoke the words, prompting Jasper to press on. "And don't forget about that promise. We can always find each other in the aftermath of this all." Zephyr nodded, her face vibrant and joyful. Jasper wanted to pat himself on the back for bringing that look to her features, even if he'd slightly exaggerated his desire to wait. No, if she asked it of him he would jump for her now. But if she needed to wait then, stars above, he could wait. He'd waited this long to find someone who made him feel this light, this full, this new. He could wait a little longer.

~

Saria stood frozen. A woman sat at a desk, hidden toward the back of the only library to be found in Heart. A line formed between her brows as she furiously scribbled something down, her eyes flitting back and forth between the page before her and an open book off to the side. Light brown curls frizzed out from a ribbon failing at holding them back away from her face. Freckles, ones that mirrored Saria's own, spread out across her nose and cheeks. Lines reached out from the corners of her eyes, adding to her look of concentration. Saria wanted nothing more than to turn and run. She was readying herself to do just that, when her mother, as though sensing the weight of her daughter's gaze, looked up and met her eyes.

Recognition hit Lara's features instantly, her pen clashing to the floor as she stood, knocking back her chair. Her lips mouthed her daughter's name. The word seemed to pull at Saria like a line, her feet stepping forward of their own accord. She came to an abrupt halt mere paces from where her mother still stood, frozen to the spot.

"Saria." Lara's voice was a faint whisper, choked with emotion. She cleared her throat. "Saria, I'm so sorry."

Saria only held up a hand, not ready for any sort of apology, not willing to accept one yet.

"Just tell me why."

Lara nodded, looking away toward her notes as if the answer might be hidden somewhere in the mess of pages.

"Of course, yes. I... I left with the rebellion, I'm sure Frederick has already told you that much, or you've figured it out on your own. You see," Lara's voice caught for a moment, her fist pressing against her lips before she could continue. "About a year before I left, I began to lose my sight."

Saria fought to keep the shock from overtaking her features. She'd never been told of any health problems that had afflicted her mother. Sensing that her daughter wasn't ready to respond, Lara continued.

"I was devastated. History is my passion, reading is my life. So, when an opportunity arose to travel alongside a healer within the rebellion, I jumped at the chance. I wasn't ready to let go of my dreams yet, not if the sacrifice could be delayed even a few years longer. So I decided to leave, but Frederick and I agreed that a life on the run wasn't good enough for our children. He stayed in Faron, with you and your brothers, rallying a force there, and I left." Her voice broke. "I'm so sorry, darling."

Saria hated, hated the feelings warring within her. How could she be angry with her own mother for only wanting to keep her sight? How could she not be angry with her? For leaving. For breaking Saria's heart.

Pressing her palms roughly to her eyes, a small sob escaped Saria.

"Oh, darling, please." Lara took a tentative step toward her daughter. "I don't ever expect you to forgive me, but I do hope that you can at least understand why I did what I did."

Saria stood there, hands pressed to her eyes, for what felt like an age. Her thoughts raced around inside her mind, emotions grappling with one another for purchase, threatening to bury her beneath their weight. She tried desperately to steady herself.

One breath. Two. Three.

She dropped her hands to her sides, finally, really, looking at her mother. The same woman she had loved so fiercely for so many years, only to learn to hate her in equal measure.

"I can't. I can't understand." Saria turned to leave, tears blurring her vision as she went. As she reached the exit she turned. Her mother was nothing but a blur to her wet eyes. "I can't understand yet. But I promise I will try."

Saria left the room before her mother could respond. Before she finally broke down from the forgiveness tugging at her every bone.