Above and Below

I Used to Think

I used to think that I was perfect, that I was not like the others.

I had a normal family, complete with a mother and father and sisters and brothers.

I used to think I had it sooo good, living in my warm home.

I had a backyard and friends that would go with me to roam.

I used to think that my life would never change and I was happy and found,

Until I got lost in the flood of the middle school sound.

There I was, bullied, beaten, broken down for the first time

That's when my pen touched my paper and made its first rhyme.

From there it got worse, add a pinch of rape and a sprinkle of self-harm,

And don't forget to add divorce and my poor father's smile of charm,

To make up the final piece of eighth grade, I had nearly died.

And into the paper where my mind finally started to confide.

About everything, I wrote until my hand was throbbing.

Form the first memory I had, the fear of my mother sobbing,

When I first told her I was gay, to to the way the blade made me feel

To how the scars never completely went away, they never really had time to heal.

High school came and I made false promises and a plan that was deadly,

2 years I would last in August I would be ready.

Now this is only what used to be, I am better now

I guess I am stronger somehow

I used to think I had nothing left

I used to think I needed an eternal rest.

I used to think I'd be better off dead

But somethings are better off not said.