Above and Below

Train of thoughts pt.2

The world is a funny place with an odd tongue of language, and I simply can not speak it. It's English- is never my preferred language to speak because French and Spanish are just so much hot- like the sun, a burning inferno deep down in my heart- aches at the fatal wounds you poke- ing the grizzly bear for what purpose? He'll only get mad- and crazy are not the same- day it all happened and I was home thinking everything was fine.

You didn't respond- like first aid, racing to the scene- crime, the first degree murder of a little girls future- cars would fly and gas would be low, and the r word wouldn't be a thing that existed- becoming less extinct- endangered In society are these poor girls- like boys but not when they don't want to.

I can not speak for any act a man had done- and finished and you can stand to look at yourself in the mirror without seeing the monster- s don't hide under beds, they hide in the shadows- stalking their prey in the night time- froze when you spoke the words of truth- is not such a true word.

And then comes fear and negativity and lying- next to you won't feel the same. And I wish I cherished the before more than the after that is about to come- through to your thick skull that 14 year olds don't make decisions- are the act of choosing between the lesser of two evils- can not describe a person who's motives are stronger than logic- ally speaking none of this makes sense to me- it didn't happen to me. Yet I still feel like I am the one who is dying.

I know it is selfish- and conceited thinking that I have any rights in this, when I don't- know what is expected of me at this point- to break is not an option- s are so limited that I still don't understand- what happened, the gory details were spared because what monster asks for those exact details- mean everything to me, even if they do not matter over all- I am having a hard time coping- horribly, drinking, smoking, cutting- these ties would be the wrong choice.

You'll never hear me say- that I want to leave- you is not what I want- need to be okay for you but I can't be- everything you need- to see the proof because I can't fucking wrap my head around this yet I believe you. I had hope- is a false beliefs- won't tell you that it didn't happen, won't tell you that you weren't destroyed- internally dying because nothing shows on the outside- where trees blow in the wind, and flowers bloom- like the child inside of you. He/ she will never know their father, and that's okay. But if they should meet me.... I don't know if I'll be around.