Above and Below

Trigger Warning

Noah.

Every time I speak your filthy name,

My skin crawls, and I'm reminded I'm not the same.

And as I once was, innocent to lust.

I won't get over it. I remember everything down to the last fucking thrust.

Even if you didn't get that far..

Your nails cut me deep, given me a physical- An emotional scar

And I can recall every last detail of this event

And I should've known from the start, deceit was your intent.

As you filtered out those sweet little lies.

I should've known you wanted what was in between my thighs.

You took advantage of me by the start of the elevator ride.

You threw me against the wall, pinned me against that one side.

Your mouth moved hungry against mine.

Then your tongue moved and I knew you crossed the line.

I tried to run, try to escape...

Because I really didn't want to be a victim of rape.

And I pushed against your young body, hard and strong.

I thought I could win but boy was I wrong.

You dragged me, on the sixth floor, to my worst fear.

To your room, no escape except from the front, none from the rear.

And you dig your sharp talons in and dragged my skin from beneath your claws.

Prying me open, leaving me with nothing but flaws.

Your body pushed mine down, pinned onto this bed of fire.

You wanted me, trying to convince me of this desire.

You crammed your tongue, drowning my scream in white sound.

Wrists above my head, your clothed body trying to grind into mine, lust is all that is found.

I got up, lucky me, but you pulled me back.

Made me sit down hard, trying to move me against your lap.

Me, fighting with every breath, trying to run.

You were not having it,
You were done.

You pinned me back down on your thrown of shame.

You grabbed me by throat, made me swallow your spit, made me say your name.

Abused my body, bites and sour words trailing my neck

And I tried to kick you in the groin, make you fall like a ship wreck.

But you were quicker than me, and pinned my legs apart.

And the fear I had now was pounding as hard as my heart.

Palms shaking, fingers tracing, I could not breathe air

You popped open my shirt and pulled my hair.

Tried to make me your slave, tried to force me to take you.

But I would not budge, and you noticed this too.

So you got past the shirt, one cloth piece left, keeping me sane.

But you were good with those shaky hands. And soon I was bare and with much pain...

You got to the bottom half, tearing it down all the way

Did things I don't remember. Because I blocked it out enough but I still heard you say..

"I want to leave my mark on you" and "you like this. Even if you're gay."

I remember being so close. Being forced to touch and feel and from that day.

I still remember the last desperate attempt to break.

I was so wrapped in panic I had to be awake.

So I bit down on that bubble gum tongue, holding down my voice.

I remember kicking and shoving you away, realizing it was still my choice.

And I unlocked that door and ran. I ran down the stair well to the fifth floor.

And I waited there, holding my heart beat, until I heard that door.

You opened it, but you did not go down that stairwell,

I was right below you, and you couldn't even tell.

Then I waited until I was sure you were gone, to let it fill.. The silence.

And once I started crying and hurting, I couldn't stop the violence.

The repercussions of my own stupid decisions.

I couldn't stop thinking of what I could have done different, these revisions.

Locked in my head, I was trapped in those scary nightmares.

And when I walked to my mother, shaking hands,no voice, she didn't give any cares.

She called me a liar. My dad, in disbelief of your actions

You lied to everyone, told them it was me and my attractions.

But you made a single stupid mistake,

You left claw marks on me, something I could not fake.

But I was good to you, I didn't press charges against your stupid ass.

I gave you a get out of jail free card, I gave you a pass.

And yet you've come back, time and time again... But recently once more,

Spoke to my ex, hitting all the spots that are sore.

You sent me texts, left me voicemails, stalked everything about me until you tore

The thick skin I built against you, and the pain added was more than what I bore.

You are a big reason I am where I am and the reason for my behavior,

You are the reason I can't hug a man without fear, I can't even kiss someone without that racing terror. You are not my savior.

You are the devil if he were reincarnated.

And I hope one day you get what you deserve, I hope you drown, or get hurt and berated.

I hope a girl never falls in love with you.

I hope you are lonely too.

I hope you never say those words again, never make someone obey.

Most of all, I'm so nice, I hope your family is okay.