Above and Below

Train of thoughts

Train of thoughts

Sometimes it's hard to make sense out of this mess my mouth spews. My thoughts get thrown in different directions- to my house are pretty simple -enough to get there similar to my heart- beats hard for the things I want- is more than need- you to keep me here- in side this cruel shallow places- you are taking me that I have never been to before, without even moving.

I'm sorry if you can't comprehend this clarity- is what Is never in my head-ing towards a dark and winding path and I am scared- of the dark and the dentist. I know it's not making sense-s are what is keeping me alive- is all I am- done with being a toy that is broken after being played with for so long.

I wish my words were wise- advice is not something people wish to hear- you say I love you. And in that moment, a single moment. My mouth stopped moving and my head stopped soothing my doubts. And I could breathe deeply without a sound, and this new found clarity is scaring me, and I'm not sure how long it will last- time we spoke it was short - and to the point- ing in the wrong direction and I am driving- a car is scary but is not worth a single hail mary- but here I sit praying for that silence to come again- you told me we wouldn't ever fade- like my jeans in the washer, falling apart- of me was missing when you left- is better than right- I must be wrong.

I wonder if I ever lost you- too would feel the same with a skull that doesn't shut up- is worse than going down- hill is where this is headed, and I can't close my eye-  still see her as more than just a friend- ly conversation that rips at me until I'm crying. And that sensation and appreciation for silence falls into my lap.

I have no words once you reassure my lonely soul. That I have been heard and I will be okay. I will be- less than what you expected of me- try to be less confusing- the shit out of me where my mind has ran- far away from the day we admitted we liked each other. And I am scared of being vulnerable- is the worst feeling in the world- is what you promised me. I am holding onto that promise.

But I should know better- than before when things were messy- is never easy- is never happy. I would know this because I am messy. I am complicated- is your face book status- report on whether we can survive or not- to be a prude but do you use me for my heart or my body- is shaking so badly when I hear those false words- can hurt just as much as fists- full of things I wish I could return- back to the places I once loved when I was with you- did I loose you?