Thoughts from the Sheltered and Clueless!

May 10, 2014

May 10, 2014

OH MY GOD I'M SO BORED!!!!!!

I'm so bored, they hung me up in a classroom to write on!

Get it? I'm bored so they're using me as a board? Yeah?

UGH! I'm too bored to be funny!

Why am I bored, you might ask? I've been crocheting since five on Thursday! (With a few eating and sleeping breaks sprinkled in, of course.) I'm about to loose my mind! I have to make a bunch of hats and scarves and stuff for the homeless shelter because of this youth group thing I'm in. It makes sense that we start this project in May right? We're making winter apparel now that it's getting warm out. Totally logical! Well we are homeschoolers! No joke!

Fun fact! Lobsters have blue blood.

How about a few insulting/bad jokes and pick-up lines and then I'm going to go back to crocheting? I can't think of anything really good right now.

Blonde jokes! (They can also double as homeschooler jokes!)

A blonde walks into a library and says bubbly, "Hi! I'd like a hamburger and french-fries please!" The librarian replied in an annoyed, yet quiet tone, "This is a library!" "Oh Sorry," the blonde giggled at her silliness before lowering her voice. "I'd like a hamburger and french-fries please!"

Two blondes walk into a building. You think one of them would of seen it!

Three girls are trapped on a deserted island. One's a brunette, the second's a ginger, the third is a blonde. On the island, they come across a bottle, and when they open it a magic jinn pops out. He says he will grant each of the one wish. The brunette wishes to go home, and the jinn sends her home. The ginger goes next and wishes to be home, so the jinn sends her. Finally he turns to the blonde and asks her what she wishes. The blonde thinks for a moment, then says, "I'm lonely. I wish my friends were here."

Later, on that same island, the three girls are walking and they come across a cliff overlooking the sea. The same jinn appears and tells them to jump off the cliff and shout what they would like to become, and they could escape. The brunette runs to the edge, leaps off with a cry of dolphin, dives into the sea and swims away. Next, the ginger runs to the edge, leaps off with the cry of falcon, and soars away. The blonde runs to the edge, trips off with the cry of 'crap!' and falls to the bottom in a brown pile.

A blonde and her husband are driving down the road when they see another blonde rowing a boat through a field. "Stop the car honey!" The blonde says. Then she jumps out of the car and starts screaming angrily at the blonde in the field. "Hey! What do you think you're doing?! It's blondes like you that give all blondes a bad name! If I could swim out there, I would kick your ass!"

Dirty Jokes!

What did the hurricane say to the coconut palm tree? Hold on to your nuts, this is no ordinary blow job!

What's long, hard, and has cum in it? A cucumber.

What does it mean when your boyfriend is in your bed, gasping for breath and calling your name? You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.

A teacher was wrapping up class, and started talking about tomorrow's final exam. He said there would be no excuses for not showing up tomorrow, barring a dire medical condition or an immediate family member's death. One smart ass, male student said, "What about extreme sexual exhaustion?", and the whole classroom burst into laughter. After the laughter had subsided, the teacher glared at the student, and said, "Not an excuse, you can use your other hand to write."

...

Daughter #1: Dad, I need to tell you something. Dad: What? Daughter #1: I'm a lesbian. Dad: Okay. Daughter #2: I also have something to tell you. Dad: What's that? Daughter #2: I'm also a lesbian. Dad: Damn! Does anybody in this house like dick? Son: I do!

Pick-up lines!

Is your ass from McDonalds? Because I'm lovin' it!

I lost my trumpet, can I blow yours?

You remind me of my little toe, because I'm going to bang you on every piece of furniture in my house.

It's time I tell you what people are saying behind your back. Nice ass!

I'm not trying to impress you or anything, but, I'm Batman.

Hey! My friend over there wants to know if you think I'm cute?

I'm bisexual. I'd like to buy you a drink, then get sexual.

I just can't think straight when you're around! (That's the only gay one I know!)

It's a good thing I have my library card, 'cuz I'm totally checking you out!

I'm like a fireman, I turn hoes on!

You made my Metapod use harden! (YAY! A Pokémon Joke!)

Sorry this is short.

Have a good week! Love you!

-Aiden <(^-^)>