Suicidal Love(Jacob Whitesides)

"Rebecca no!" my brother,Caleb screamed at me as he ran towards my numb body that bled out. Cut after cut why couldn't I just kill myself already.

"It's going to be okay." Caleb scooped me up and ran upstairs with me. I would sit in my cold abandoned basement where I could be alone with the darkness that surrounded me. He ran outside and put me in the car and sped off down to the nearest hospital. I could feel myself loosing consciousness for the last time.

"Rebecca stay awake." He snapped at me. I gripped onto the paper towel that covered my wounds tighter.

"I love you Caleb." I said to him.

"Rebecca stop." He pulled into the hospital and carried me through the doors yelling at people frantically. Last I saw was being put on a stretcher and being rushed into a room.

Life is a gift.

How you choose to live it isn't up to god. It's up to you.

You can be happy and be loved and be care free.

You could be someone who has good days and bad days but knows how to handle them.

Or you could be suicidal and depressed and act like nothing could ever bring you happiness.

I've tried living the first to lives but they just seemed to easy. Now I am stuck in a shitty life where I might be going insane. I have no friends except for my brother. I have no family except for my brother. Everything ends up being about him and it's getting kind of old.

Beep. Beep. Beep.

Heaven is peaceful. It's a wonderful place where everyone is so care free.

"Becc?" I hear some sing. Is that Caleb? Is he in heaven to?

"Caleb?" I smile.

"Open your eyes." I didn't realize that I had them closed till now. When I opened them weakly I saw light. But then it started to fade. I looked around and jerked up.

"Heaven is beautiful." I mumbled.

"Your in the hospital Rebecca." He sounded worried.

The hospital?

Dammit I didn't die.

"Why am I here?" I asked. I new why I was here. The memories still flowing through my mind of the basement.

"Same reason as last time." Caleb mumbled. I new he was fed up with me.

"I want to go to." I said, feeling the tears well up in my eyes.

"No Bec. He is gone not you. You can't do anything about it." Caleb growled.

"He didn't even say goodbye." I cried.

"I no he didn't. I'm sure there was a reason. But he isn't coming back and you need to move on. It's been almost a year. It's time to let go of Ben." He looked as if he were going to cry.

"It's my fault he killed himself. I was the worst girlfriend ever and now he is gone. He claimed he loved me and he just left." I sobbed. Caleb grabbed me and tissue and sat next to me on the hospital bed. He hugged me tightly as I cried for hours.

Ben.

He was my everything. My best friend. My boyfriend. My soulmate. Not a minute went by that we didn't spend together. There weren't many fights but when we did fight it was bad. That's what happened on the last day that he was alive.

We fought.

It was over something stupid. A girl. He was making out with her while he was drunk and I caught them. I told him I would never forgive him. And that night he hanged himself in his closet with a hanger. I found him the next morning dead. I remember it clearly. I walked into his house after he didn't answer the door. I walked upstairs to get my things from his room because I swore I was done with him. I opened the door and saw the body of my Ben just hanging from a cream colored hanger.

His eyes were still open, looking right into mine. His lips were chapped and covered in blood that was spilling from his mouth. And he was wearing the shirt I bought him for our first anniversary. I remember my screams as I ran over to him and tried to save him. Ripping the plastic hanger off of his pale throat. I remember crying a lot and not talking to anyone for months. He was my first love.

And my last.