Starry eyed

Kenopsia

"Up here, I can turn back time," she said softly. Perhaps she hoped I would not hear. Even if I heard, maybe I would not listen. I looked at her with a slight smile on my face. More surprised than happy. More happy than hurt. But hurt I was. Something somewhere had broken and it brought some sort of finality to this moment. But there was no hurry. Our hearts had stopped beating with time. We could stay here for eternity. 

I watched as she fixed her hair. Nervous fingers ran along the frizz and strays. I still had that stupid smile on my face. She could be bald for all I care. I'd still look at her the same. Without warning my non-dominant went up to tame my hair, landing itself at the crown of my head. I did a silly rub to make it seem natural. She caught the dance. She had a pleasant shift in her face. A cross between a blush and a smile. I have been blessed.

"Go on then," I said. Softly.

The cogwheels in her brain were set to work. A tense expression grew in her face. Her hands started fidgeting.Her eyes diverted to the ground beneath us. The folds in her high waisted school skirt suddenly needed straightening. She tilted her head sideways. And then she searched for my eyes. She had an answer.

"I don't want to."

"Why not?"

"I can't bring myself to see what would be different."

I understood.

I saw acceptance. I saw rules. Rules she didn't want to break. I didn't want to push her. It takes a different sort of courage. A different sort of patience. A different sort of hope. In a world where everything could be a variable, wouldn't we all hold on to constants? A set of laws that we'd create for ourselves, a small cage. A small comfortable cage. Confines that would give us meaning. Set echelons, set goals. I guess she was my cage. Her words, my rules. She became my constant. It was a comfortable feeling.

" Maybe you'd like to cross then?"

"Not today. Same reason.

It was easy to see she was scared. By her words, it was easier to see she was more scared after I walked in her reality. I put a clock to her adventures. I set some obscure goal we were chasing. The element of being carefree was lost to her. Our actions became heavy.

Maybe she needed an excuse. It's always easier to blame something else or someone else. Easier than having to accept our own failures or insecurities. And just so, the light she emits shines a little brighter. Perhaps she skips a little more. Sings a little more. Laughs a little more.

Question remains. Why haven't I stepped out of her world? I know I should have. There's nothing here. Leave her to her adventures. Leave her to her happiness.

I know why. Her hope breaks me. Breaks my heart. The day she fails. It hurts even thinking about it. I feel this urge to protect her. I've never felt it before. I am her knight, I think at times wistfully. The knight she didn't ask for. I follow her everywhere. I follow her footsteps on narrow lanes. I follow her in the rain. I follow her to where the sun disappears. I follow her as we swim in lakes. Nights and days. With her, I fly.

She tells me things I never knew. All of the things that fit in her small head and all that hide in her heart. She looks at the world a little differently. Her own world is a little skewed. But inside her head, it all makes perfect sense. I am always in awe of her.

If I ask her what exactly is she waiting for, the answer is always the same.

It's him. I wait for him.

She doesn't say it as much she shouts it. As if she wants the world to hear. Hear her testament to love and beyond.

Till death do them apart. And even then, probably not.

***

When I first walked in, I saw the people around me. They were sad. So, so, so very sad. Dejected and troubled. Scared. Crying. Listless. Huddled. Finding purchase in the people around them.

There was a queue. The queue had no beginning, no end. All I could see were wisps of white clouds obscuring the nothingness that needn't be obscured.

Someone came along and handed me a form.

Evaluate your life.

What percent of the words you spoke were lies?    ______

Have you ever hurt anyone ...

My eyes couldn't read the rest of the words. So they just did what they did best. Stared.

Then I saw you.

Sitting on a bench with a yellow balloon in a navy blue pleated skirt and a white shirt.

If I left this queue I didn't know when I could join back in.

I left it anyway.

***

All I wanted was to go back home. But then the neighbor's kid called me in his high pitch voice. Said he and his friends were short of just one friend for the optimum pleasure of hide and seek.

They chose an old house to play. I consented.

I hid.

The fire blazed through the wood of the house.

I didn't know.

I was 13.

***

They brought me back. The doctors did their science right.

And I'm lonely.

***

Now that I'm older I know I had an Near Death Experience.

Two things.

If she could really turn back time till she could be on earth, why didn't she do it already?

Or we could have crossed together to the oblivion. And the last thing we could have known would have been each other.

That didn't happen.

I'm here. In my thoughts, I'm lost in questions.

This world has lost all colours.

It feels empty.

____________________________________________________

Ending at 990 words. I have tried to write this in anime style. Tell me what did you think of it.

(Also Near Death Experiences comes under Sci-fi. I checked. (>.<)