Still Not Skinny

Breakfast = Break Fast

I awake again, this time to the obnoxious sound of my alarm. Despite all the sleep I got, I am still drained. I can't believe I wasted so much time sleeping. Oh well, I'd rather sleep than eat.

I drag myself out of bed and saunter into the bathroom. I turn on the sink and splash water in my face. The impact of the cold droplets on my skin wakes me up. With new found energy, I make my way back to my room and do my morning workout.

Forty jumping jacks... done!

Thirty crunches...done!

Twenty squats...done!

Ten pushups...done!

The beads of sweat starting to form on my face make me feel disgusting so I go to the bathroom once more to wash my face.

After finishing getting ready, I go downstairs for some breakfast. It's been 52 hours since I last ate. One of my shorter fasts but still pretty successful. However, being that today is Monday and I have no energy, I suppose I should put at least something in me.

First I take my vitamins (15 calories), then open the fridge and grab a French vanilla Special K protein shake (180 calories). Off the counter I grab an apple (65 calories) and I cut it into slices. I give half the slices to my guinea pig but bring the rest to the kitchen table and take a seat. I sip at my shake and munch on the apple slices. I only end up drinking half of the protein shake so I place the remainder of it in the refrigerator.

Breakfast ended up being a total of about 138 calories. Shouldn't be too hard to work off today...

With 20 minutes left before I have to catch the bus, I slip on my running shoes, put my Converse in my backpack, grab my backpack and head out the door. I walk the familiar path to my favorite tree and drop my stuff there. After a quick few stretches, I begin my ten minute jog.

Heart pounding, sweat dripping down my face, this is one of my favorite feelings in the world (second only to an empty stomach). When I reach the small white house on the top of the hill, I slow my pace to a brisk walk. This is the best way to start my day; it always leaves me so energized. Plus, the run burns 78 calories and the walk burns 28; a total of 106 calories burned. As of right now that leaves me with a net total of 32 calories. I just hope I don't add too much more to that today.

Though I hate saying it, I'm anorexic. I feel like if I give it a name, it's a bad thing whereas if I don't acknowledge it, it's as if it's a normal thing in life. But who am I trying to fool? It's not normal and I know that. I'm not normal. I feel that every day of my life. The feeling is so strong at times that I've made plans to end my own life. I don't fit in, I'm nowhere near perfect, and I'm just a waste of space. I'd be doing the world a favor by killing off an eyesore such as myself.

The bus turns down the street and I dread boarding it. Too many people to deal with so early in the morning. As it draws nearer I can hear the chains underneath clanging together. I close my eyes and try to slow my heart rate all the way down to normal. I hear the chains stop. I open my eyes and watch the doors open. I take four careful steps to the bus, climb the stairs, and walk down the aisle trying ever so hard not to trip over my own clumsy feet. I'm greeted by a few cheerful "Good morning"s but ignore them as I crash into my seat towards the back. I'm not too good at hiding my emotions in the morning. The people on my bus probably think I'm just not a morning person because I'm more social on the ride home. In reality, that's not the case at all.