The Music Room

4.

I tried to find him, but he just lefted. Some how i feel like something , in this tiny crazy world could be simple, no dramas or problems.

Instead of going to lunch i stay in that music room thinking about how music can help me . At seventeen you should be thinking college and stuff but to me , that does not matter .

Before I move to big stuff and like start to being a proper adult, I need to fix the things inside me. All my problems and insecurities have to be solved. Right now i don't feel the most happy person on hearth, I feel like my heart is broken, my mind is everywhere, not knowing what I have to do or how to live my life. 

I can say with 100% sure that I'm lost, I do not know what to do or how to be.

People have their own version of you, even if they don't know you. They judge without knowing your story or the difficulties you have been through. 

I started to skip meals a couple weeks ago,like , why do you have to take care of yourself if nobody else does.

I'm the kind of person that suffers in silence, one day I can be smiling and laughing a lot , but be crying all night . I understand that I'm too complicated and some people say that I'm just making up things to make me look like I'm a victim, but c'mon why would anyone fake pain ?! 

The only thing that calms me is music, 'cause you have differente types , varieties and melodies, it is fit for everyone so that's why I'm so fond of music. 

The school bell rings to anounce that the lunch break is almost over but don't move. The next class I have is Math but the teacher is sick so I can go home.

I'm on the schools gate and wait for the bell to ring, the one that sets the students free.I start to walk really fast as soon as the bell rings and in five minutes  I'm home. 

When I get the I check the mail and there was a letter... 

I open it in my living room's table . At first sight I didn't think it had any harm but as soon I start to ready my eyes start to get filled up with tears.

Hey! 

This is a letter from a person who hates you deeply! I wish you were dead . If you think you can just walk around and be friends with people that you shouldn't you are wrong .

 Don't you ever talk with Mendes again or you will start to get what you deserve . This the first warning , do not respect it and I'll make your life a living hell. 

Try to reach authorities and you'll get beat up. Don't try to be smart and stupid 'cause I'll know if you tried any of this things ok?! 

I have eyes everywhere . So I'm just going to say it one more time.

DO NOT TALK, REACH OR EVEN LOOK AT SHAWN MENDES OR YOU'RE DONE.

Kisses 

FROM YOUR WORST NIGHTMARE

I try to see if the letter has any information that could help me find who is behind this but I can't get nothing.

I cry for what feels like hours and when I go take a shower I see the dark sky.

Sometimes all I want is to lay down on the grass and watch the stars.

I am sad that anyone threat me because of Shawn, 'cause I do not know what this person has against me but if I wanna be safe I'm going to stop talking to Shawn Mendes. 

And some how that is going to be really hard.

I take a long hot shower and I go straight to bed. If my mom still lived with me she could control my eating disorder , but she is gone and I only have myself.