Fire and Desires: Book 8 (Completed)

Chapter Six

"Izzy sad. Why Izzy cry?

I was giving Peyton and Calista their bath and attempting to be happy but silent tears were rolling down my face. I looked into the innocent eyes. They were untouched by the sorrow of the world. They had the love of two beautiful parents and their brothers. They didn't know how it felt to be torn in two.

"I'm not sad but I will be if you don't help me put this shampoo hat on Calista. You don't want her to have soapy eyes do you?"

Peyton laughed and helped me put the hat on her little sister. Calista laughed with delight as I gently washed and rinsed her hair.

"Good. Now you are both clean. Time to come out and into your jammies."

I put them into the nursery and settled them for the night. As I kissed them both and read them their bedtime story I realised how much I loved them. It sounded silly that I was so attached but I was. I had come to this town to get away from my problems but now I seemed to be accumulating new ones. I knew I couldn't run away from my problems but maybe I needed to move on from here. Have a fresh start. I'd miss Brittany and Zac and their little family but perhaps it was time to start focusing our myself and my future.

Zac and Brittany were busy getting the twins ready for bed so I took the chance to have some alone time. I checked my messages on my phone and noticed missed calls and messages from both Jordan and Brandon.

I called Brandon back first. He was concerned about my hasty departure the other day. I reassured him that we would always be best friends but that I was concerned about getting too involved. We both knew what would happen. We would get close and when the time came for him to leave, we both be tearful and heart broken. I told him that what we had shared the other night was special and had the circumstances been different we could have pursued it further. The truth was needed to get clarity in my life. I knew it was time for new adventures but I couldn't bring myself to tell him that. He only sadly replied that he understood.

Jordan wanted to say he was sorry for barging in and that he had a long talk with Brandon and that they had patched up their differences. He said he had accepted his role in our breakdown of our relationship and that he knew he had to move on. He did however rather cheekily added that since Brandon was on his way to bigger and brighter things that perhaps we still might have had a chance. A chance to put right what went wrong in the first place. I assured him that what I wanted was his friendship and for him to make amends with his brother. After all prior to all this we had made a fantastic team. He laughed and agreed to being just friends again.

The hardest conversation I had to have was with Zac and Brittany. They were both busy scouting around for a new house to accommodate their growing family. Between this and adjusting for a new baby they had been preoccupied. I needed to talk to them as soon as possible so they could make alternative arrangements. I knew it was going to be hard but it had to be done.

"You're leaving us? Why? Have you been unhappy here. What can we do to convince you to stay?" Brittany had been inconsolable. Zac had pulled me aside later and explained that the pregnancy was making her more weepy than usual. Not that he was jumping up and down at the prospect. Like Brittany, he saw me as part of the family. He didn't want me to leave either but he understood that I needed to move on in my life.

The worst part though was having to tell the kids. Peyton and Calista didn't really understand. They kept saying bye bye, see you soon. I think they felt it was like the time I had taken leave to return home to see my parents. Even though I left they knew I had come back. They didn't seem to understand that this was permanent.

The twins though, that was another story. They were old enough to understand loss. It had been hard enough on them hearing that Brandon wasn't going to be their teacher when they started school. "But you promised. Why can't you be our teacher anymore." The twins had cried each night for two weeks before finally settling down and accepting. Now I had to tell them I was leaving too.

"Izzy doesn't love us. Izzy wants to run away. Did Mummy and Daddy tell you off? Were we too naughty? If we promise to be good will you stay?"

I just hugged them close and told them that I did indeed love them but I had to move on. The tears were flowing all over the place. Their tears. My tears. Brittany's tears. Zac had to hold his back his own and console his family. I furiously wiped mine away determined to get this awful feeling to stop. I thought I knew heartbreak. Seeing those angelic faces with tears pouring out of them damn near broke my heart. I was almost tempted to change my mind. To tell them I'd stay with them forever but I knew I had to be true to myself. It was time to live my life and eventually raise a family of my own. I knew I needed to move on from here to start that journey.

I promised Zac and Brittany that I'd stay on until they moved into their new house. Moving the children would be stressful enough and they needed me to help with the transition as well as settle the new Nanny. I was happy to do it. It also meant that I could spend the next few months with Jordan and Brandon before I left. Even though I had decided not to pursue a romantic relationship with either of them I still valued their friendship. I didn't have the answers but all I knew I wanted to make things good between us again before I left.

I started exploring my options. Brandon was all set up to leave for Cambodia. Jordan was planning a road trip around the America. As for me. I always had a yearning to visit England. Brittany had always entertained me with tales of her stay in London. I wanted to see it for myself. I thought I'd start off in London and then backpack my way around Europe. We were all moving on with our lives. It just felt right.