Entangled

Chapter 11

"It wasn't a big thing Hareem Ahmad. You have always been an obstacle between me and Azlan's relationship.
How is this fair??
Have I ever criticized your relationship with Ashar? I know there is nothing between you guys, but still did I ever forbid you to talk to him?
WHY THE HELL ARE YOU GUYS BLAMING AZLAN?
Can't you see who's coming between us now?
You know what Hareem!
IT'S OVER!"
My eyes opened widely, hands shivered, felt a sudden jolt in my head and I... I couldn't believe Nushay would react like that but wait!
"When did Ashar meet Azlan?"
"OMG! He came to the hospital with Nushay to visit me, and Ashar in anger may have said something for sure! What should I do? No, please no I can't lose Nushay! I must do something. Ya Allah! Please Be Merciful, please help me get through this"
I picked up my mobile from the table to text Ashar and Nushay, but Rania came. She snatched it from me and forced me to take medicines and sleep.
After taking medicines, I laid down on my bed thinking what I should do to make this all clear?
I don't know why but I felt like everything in my body was swelling, arms, legs and my mind, my nails turned pale, my face was filled with eye bags and acne because of high potency medicines, I felt something crawling in my mind, like a spider who captured my brain around his web and took every possible probity of me to think, felt sudden ups and downs in heart, there was a continuous heaviness in my eyes, I couldn't blink properly.
"Something is missing" I said to myself "Probably the love, attention, care I need and deserve."
Tears trickled down my cheeks. I wanted to yell, wanted to tell everyone how painful was that, how pathetic was that to see yourself lying and crying on your own condition.
Light entered my room and I got a chance to scream. I sprinted towards the washroom and threw water in my face. Maybe I thought it would let me escape reality for a moment, it didn't, and rather it woke me up for a second.
I started offering prayer. As I bowed down towards Allah, I couldn't control my tears, they were begging for the mercy.
"Ya Allah! Please give me eternal peace, I don't want everything to break like this, Please! Be Merciful!" I was repeating this again and again and again.
I don't remember anything after this, I don't...
I woke up when my nerves caught a beep of a machine. I was familiar with this place. Yet again I was numb. My eyes were burning with pain, fear, and uncertainty.
"Why am I still here? I was discharged, right?" I asked a nurse standing right next to me.
She turned around with an astound face and immediately called the doctor.
"How are you feeling now?" she asked.
"My veins are stretched, feel like my head is gonna explode"
"Easyyy with the words, young lady" Doctor smiled as he entered the room.
"If you can feel all these things. Why do you still take so much stress? Why take a lot more burden than you can handle?"
"I don't know anything I just wanna go home" I murmured.
"We kept you under observation today and the results are pretty clear. You're taking hell lot of pressure on your mind. Your mental health is eventually effecting you physically. Listen!! It can lead to worse outcomes. Please take care of yourself. I'm prescribing you some anti-depressants. You're allowed to go home now. Take some rest, you'll feel much better when you wake up." The doctor wrote down something on a paper and gave it to my mother, standing on the door shedding silent tears.
"Amma!!" I tried reaching her with my shivering hand.
She wiped the tears with the back of her hand and while looking at the prescription, left.
"Ammaaaaa" I shrieked.
"What now Hareem!!! What's next?" My mother shouted as she entered.
"I'm scared" I held her hand so tight, so she wouldn't leave
"SCARED OF WHAT? You're fighting death every day, yet it doesn't scare you. What else in the world can trouble you"
"I'm your only child and I'm afraid someday I won't be enough for you"
The pause lasted for quite a while, shedding tears over each other's' hands.
"I hope someday you realize how more than just 'enough' you really are"
"Let's go home" Her eyes were gleaming with hope.
I stepped into the house searching for Ashar but couldn't find him anywhere.
"He was very mad at me" I murmured.
"Did you say something Beti?" Abba asked.
"Nothing! I just want to rest." I moved towards my room.
"Hareem! Eat this! You have to take medicines!" Amma furiously said.
"I can't, it's too heavy to digest"
"Please, at least for me and your Abba."
"Okay Amma, I will eat it."
Amma put it down, kissed my forehead and left.
"Omg! Why can't I feel anything, I feel so dizzy, I should go to sleep" I said to myself.
*Bang bang*
"Hareeeemmm, my beautiful friend you can't sleep without eating this!" Rania disturbed.
"You have to finish all of this! Right now, in front of me"
"Why didn't you go back?" I hurriedly asked.
"I postponed everything, I am not going anywhere until you're recovered properly"
"But Rania... I am fine, and this isn't fair at all"
"Did I ask you? Eat this!"
"Rania, I don't exactly remember anything, help me get through this"
"Hareem Meri Jaan, you don't have to. It's all fine, you need to sleep"
"Okay."
I finished my meal and took medicines. She left the room smiling.
"I should have texted Nushay, I know she is joking" I searched for my mobile and found it under my pillow.
"No messages, no calls! Strange" I thought and texted Nushay
"Hey My butterfly, I will be there at college tomorrow Inshaa Allah, kindly meet me." Without waiting for the reply, I closed my eyes.
Next morning, I woke up with a determination to earn my best friend back. I was very confident that she'll understand my situation and forgive me for what Ashar did. I wore Nushay's favorite dress of mine along with our matching bracelet. Applied a little mascara on my swelled eyes and got out of the room.
"Breakfast is ready, babe!" Rania looked very happy or at least she was pretending well. I'm in hurry right now, I'll eat something with Nushay from the cafeteria. Gotta go. Allah Hafiz" I hugged her and ran towards the car.
"But Hareeemmm". I heard her in the background but chose to ignore it.
I had to meet Nushay. I vividly remember the day of our friendship. How it all started with us randomly sitting in school and talking about our weird similarities and differences and ended up talking for hours. Exchanging our landline numbers to getting our first mobile phones together, sharing our lunch in school to fighting for that last bit of steak in a restaurant, complimenting each other for what one was wearing to literally snatching the clothes like it's our own, buying surprise gifts for each other to proudly not getting each other anything on birthdays. WE HAVE DONE IT ALL. I reached the college in 17 minutes and 9 seconds (Yes!! I was counting it).
I stepped out of the car asking Nushay where she was!!
BOOOM!!
And here I am!!
Again!!
In the white gown!!
And this brain cap which is literally heavier than my soul.