Collection of One Shot's

Am I losing you?

I have been sitting in my bedroom all day alone. I attempted to read for a while but it gave me a headache, I put the television on but I can’t concentrate on it properly. My phone has been buzzing none stop as usual but after the argument the night before, I can’t seem to answer the text messages with as much enthusiasm as I usually do.

That makes me feel crappy it’s not their fault after all, I don’t really know who is to blame. I have a bad feeling that he was right and that it is my fault, that maybe I spend too much time talking to Logan. There is nothing there and I refuse to justify myself, Logan is barely an adult and he is just a friend that I talk to from time to time.

Maybe it is slightly creepy that I am over ten years older than him but I am just someone there to give him advice. It would never be any different I am married for god’s sake, my husband however doesn’t see it like that. At first I thought he understood because he would sit and ask me about my friends online and I would tell him all about them but holding back on any secrets I had promised to keep.

He even joined in on conversations from time to time, getting to know Logan himself and he laughed and joked on as if he understood. I was clearly wrong though. Because every time we were out the same old argument would ensue and I would get it in the neck for texting strangers that I didn’t know.

I did know them or at least as much as you could from an online friendship. I feel attached to these people they make me laugh, they’ve made me cry and they’re there when Scott is busy watching the football or texting his friends.

I have real life friends that I could text or call and I wonder if he would be as bothered if I was texting someone like that? I mean you think he would be happier because after all I will probably never meet these people but no apparently that doesn’t matter.

I met these people when I escaped from a shitty job and a small bout of ‘feeling sorry for myself’ other people call it depression but I won’t. I have nothing to be depressed about I have a husband, a home and a job. A lot more than some people have and yet I had been feeling increasingly down in the dumps so I joined up and made friends.

They didn’t know me or my problems so that helped me to escape it and I found myself becoming happier again. Talking about random things nothing important, nothing sexual or suggestive. It was just friendly conversation until I met Logan and I began to talk to him about everything going on in his life.

I became closer to them and I listened to their problems, their secrets and I promised to keep them. Just because I hadn’t met them in real life doesn’t mean they weren’t important to me and I wouldn’t let them down. Scott didn’t understand this though, he kept telling me it wasn’t my responsibility to take on other people’s problems.

I guess he was right in a way. I was a listening and although my online friends had offered to listen to me I felt awful spilling my guts to them when they were going through so much. If I believe in one thing though it is loyalty and I made friends with these people. So despite the fact that they may not feel the same about me, I would jump in the car or plane to meet them in a heartbeat if they wanted to.

So knowing that, it made it important to me to be there for them if they needed me just like I would be if a friend in real life needed me. So I listen and I give advice and I enjoy doing it and it makes me happy that I am trusted with their secrets.

So back to the topic that I feel I am now avoiding, the dreaded argument and the reason I have been stuck in my bloody bed all day avoiding him. The last few weeks we have been on nights out, birthdays, gigs or just for a few drinks with friends. Even on nights out my phone doesn’t stop and I have Logan texting me, making me laugh as usual but I can see from the corner of my eye Scott’s angry face and the concerned look of my friends.