Chapter 5

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Sorry for the late (really late) update, this chapter is dedicated to Angela  :) and all the supporters/readers out there. Thank you so much and I'm so sorry I'm making you guys all wait for another chapter. Here's a song that you might like - Soulmate by Zico ft. IU

- wonderlust_star

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Because he wasn't there, I couldn't find him. The cold didn't scare me; he did.  

The shivers shook my spine because it was colder without him. Despite the night, I called his name, rushing outside to see his shadow, at least. The shouts reverberated throughout the neighbourhood. It didn't matter. 

 I ran towards the sewer because I was guessing his hiding place would've been there. But my footsteps stopped in front of the window filled with light and a faint sound of music. The sweet notes pranced and danced on it tiptoes, leaping from side to side and the bass notes hitting on sorrowful pitches. The bittersweet melody filled the dim mellow light from the room inside. I knew whose room it was. It was the same room that dad had watched comedies to kill off time. My feet led me towards the windowsill with cautious steps until I saw a glimpse of a silhouette. Dad. He looked at me and tried to fake a smile with his puppy-like sad eyes. Then he started to back into the house to close the door. He didn't try and pull me in. He must have already known where I was. Every morning that I snuck out earlier than him, he probably knew that. He probably did. I felt ashamed of my stupidity; how did I not know? And I bit my lips to stop tears from rolling down. I'm sorry, dad. I couldn't go after him now in this state. Maybe a few days later...I knew that I'd procrastinate meeting him and apologizing for leaving him, for hurting his heart, for always seeing me mad or teary, for not loving and respecting him as a father, ever. 

I love you. And, I thank you because I might not ever see you again. I might keep thinking that I should and won't over time. I'm sorry I have to go because I found someone I need right now. Someone that needs me. Good bye...

Then I started running, through the snow. The tears that froze on my face, the long strands of hair caught along with the tears, the thin jacket that pealed off my shoulder the closer I got to the sewer. To meet him. I screamed out loud in pain as I tripped and tumbled down a hill. Despite the freezing cheekbones and the numbing icy gale, I couldn't stop. I kept walking in through the snow that was piling up and raining down on me. It melted into water when it hit the shallow river from the sewer like my heart that trembled with nervous excitement from the pure thought of being touched by his warmth. I couldn't see from my tears and the slow strides I took in the flowing water to the sewer water was too slow for me. I don't have time.

 It felt like 50 hours until I reached the entrance and I pulled out my flashlight. The path ahead seemed hopeless and interminable. My hand trembled, each footstep holding fear and excitement if I did really see him. I didn't want to keep my hopes up high because I might get disappointed that he was there, but I was too excited at the thought of seeing him. The footsteps echoed at each path, each step, each second. At the end of the tunnel, was the entrance to the well. The open area where he had last left me at. I walked over, crouching down and peeking into the well. Somehow, the air had gone chilly and I couldn't see anything except for an interminable black hole. If he was there, if I was still only imagining him coming to me, ... but, I didn't want to think of the what ifs. I bit my lips trying to hold in my tears, but it was easier to stop them said than done. I was to scared, now, that he'd never come back to me. It was something I'd never wanted to think of, but now it was something that I was facing. 

I miss you. 

"Why won't you come back? Or are you there? Are you still alive but avoiding me? Why?" And the silence that followed made me cry more. Maybe it was true. He'd never come back. Or he was ignoring me and the thought struck that he turned into the fear of someone. This time, it was someone who feared that he'd be away. That's why. He was turning into my fear. He just wasn't there.

And then I heard a voice 

"I always had to live off of fear but you: you're an exception."

Before I could turn to the familiar voice, cold hands grasped my shoulder and turned me around.  His face was right in front of my face and with everything happening at once, I couldn't breathe properly. His legs were wrapped around mine and he leaned in towards me, his rough breath against neck. His grim face started to smirk at me while he kept coming closer.

And the plump lips landed right on mine. 

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