It was his red lips. The luscious, red lips that kept taunting me in my sleep. The way his lips moved to my heartbeat..."You'll float too" And the way his lips turned up a notch into his delicious smile. He knew that... he knew I kept imagining his...
I peeked through the interminable black hole of the well.
What did I expect.? He wasn't there...
Unexpectedly (but not surprisingly), a tear fell down the well and I couldn't hear his landing. That's when I was so sure he had died. I was so sure I lost him.
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At the first snow (December)
I started a journal about it. His mysterious actions and words. My hopes of finding him. My feeling and how I was missing him. I was missing him but my memories of him were fading away.
I had started to make myself at home in the house It had lived in. It was scary at first but, if you clean away the dust, it didn't matter that much. Of course, being neighbours with your dad made your life at risk. Yeah, my "past" dad and step-mom lived a few meters away from me... Anyhow, I was getting used to waking up really early and stepping out of the house before dad would wake up for work. It was a delinquent on the move although this delinquent never flout a law.
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Tsk. It was 4:00 in the morning and I had scared myself through my own dream. You see, I was dreaming of Pennywise and another nightmare of his waving hand, a farewell. I could always feel my tears trickle down, coming despite reality or dreamland.
The night air felt cool, bed sheets blowing away. Outside the window, I could see the tall grass whistling. Then, the snow fell like puffs of dandelion seeds and fluffy like the cotton balls.
Am I dreaming? I questioned my sanity but I thought I'd want to keep it with me... that's why I sought my journal. The only thing that I could depend on like life. Or, rather, it was life.
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Journal Entry
You're wrong Pennywise. Don't underestimate me.. I never will forget you. How could I?
I dream of you each night. If I do that, how is it possible to forget you? Do I want to forget you? I'm doubting that because every time I see you, it haunts me like a nightmare.
guilt. that's the one word I'm feeling like. Can you come to rescue me again? Like the time you hauled me over your shoulder and dragged me to your safety... my home. Now, I'm laughing like a lunatic. I think it's because I miss you so much. I miss you too much. If you're watching me, then come back. It's harder to accept that you're alive but I'm hoping it's reality because I hated to leave you. I know you hated leaving me too. So why don't you...come back.
Why do I feel tears cascading down my cheeks? If you ever come back... No, you'll come back and please wipe the tears. If you're not coming back because you don't want to see me, it's ok. But just this one last time, come back because this time I'll tell you that I want to love you. I'll tell you I miss you. I'll muster my courage to kiss you one last time because I'll regret it more than anything. You know, I'm already regretting it. . .
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I looked up from my page and the curtains howled away at the sky. Outside, the dying grass withered on the field, turning into corn yellow. The snow was starting to clump around here and there. There was a black figure in the middle of it all, I couldn't make it out.
I swear though, I saw a red balloon float above me. It was gone once I blinked.
