Ms. Masochist

XVIII

"Do me a favor," a familiar voice said to her. 

She tried to get up from her seat only to realize that she had been chained down. 

"What do you want?" she asked and the voice laughed. 

"Kill yourself!" 

She shook her head and started squirming in her seat. 

"Here, I'll do it for you," the familiar voice said. 

Soon, the room became lighter and she could see the face that the voice belonged to and it was none other than Renee. 

"Why don't you love me mommy?" 

Renee sucked her teeth and slapped Rosa in the face. 

"You're worthless,"  

Rosa gasped and opened her eyes to realize that she was still in her room. A feeling of relief came over her when she came to the realization that all of that was just a dream. She looked on her nightstand to look at the time on the digital clock. It was 4:45 a.m. Part of her wanted to try to go back to sleep but she knew that wasn't going to happen. Plus, she was drenched in sweat. Her pajamas were even beginning to stick to her and her hair was soaking wet. Every time she had a nightmare she'd wake up covered in sweat but tonight was the worst. 

After peeling the wet sheets from her body she got out of bed and then slowly peeled her pajamas off. She shuffled to her ensuite bathroom and ran water for a bath. Usually she'd take a shower but right now she needed to sit in the warm water and relax, hopefully it'd make her feel better. Once the water was hot enough, she added some lavender scented bubble bath and got in.  The warm water helped to relax her and she just hoped that these dreams would just go away somehow. 

Once she got out of the tub she moisturized her body and threw on a black mock neck sweater with some khaki colored skinny pants. She paired those with some black boots. Afterwards she sat down and the vanity and looked into the mirror. Her amber colored eyes didn't even look the same to her. They seemed so dead, so lifeless. Maybe she should listen to that voice in her dream. 

She looked at the the mirror again and noticed a pink colored sticky note attached to her mirror.

You are so beautiful. You're the apple of my eye. I love you!

-Beyonce

Those words brought a smile to her face. All of her life she had never felt loved, and she didn't understand why no one had loved her before. She tried so hard to get Renee's affections when she was younger. She could remember vividly the times where she'd crawl up in her mom's bed with breakfast. On good days Renee would just look at her and smirk, but on bad days the food would be thrown in her face. Despite this always happening she continued to try to get her mother's attention. Its like no matter how hard she tried she couldn't shake the feeling of wanting to be accepted by her mother. The day she watched her uncle kill her mom was bittersweet. A weight had been lifted off of her shoulders but at the same time she was upset because she had never gotten an apology or anything. Rosa had no type of closure and sometimes it pissed her off. 

The room seemed to suffocate her so she snuck out of the room and quietly walked down the stairs. She walked through the foyer and to the front door. Slowly, she opened it and walked out of her uncle's home. He had told her weeks ago that she could explore the property but until now she'd never felt the need to. Staying inside had been comfortable for her but now, it seemed to drain her. 

When she walked outside she noticed for the first time how huge her uncle's property was. She walked around to the back where there was lush, thick, green grass. Beautiful flowers were all over the place. The further she walked through the more beautiful it became. He had to have well over 100 acres of land and it was now all hers to explore. This new challenge brightened her day.