As one. Always. (A Loki fan fiction)

Chapter 29

I watched Loki’s sheet white face as I took him in my arms. I sat myself on his lap, willing him to continue looking at me. “Tell me everything.” I whispered to him. I stroked his face, trying to comfort him. He shook his head stubbornly. “What happened? Tell me, please.” I wanted to help him. I could feel his desperation, his pain. It scared me; Loki was never scared. He was always stoic, angry or nervous, maybe, but never scared.

He shook his head again. Getting up to push me off him. I put my hands on his shoulders, trying to keep him from getting up, in vain. “Please get off me.” He put his hand son my waist gently moving me off him, even though I was clinging on.

“Not until you tell me what is going on.” I was already on the floor next to him. He wouldn’t look me in the eye. I decided to force myself into his mind, watching his eyes go wide with surprise and slight fear. I began searching, and looked for what Loki was hiding. Before I could get anywhere in his thoughts, I felt myself being pushed back, a searing pain forming. I lost sense of myself, before feeling myself fall back in my own skin.

My forehead was killing me, and I put a hand to my head, whispering an incantation to calm my thoughts and subdue the pain, a new spell I had learned. “Why won’t you tell me what’s going on? Please don’t hide from me Loki.”

He began to shake, closing his eyes. “If you are so intent on searching through my mind, why tell you when I can show you?” I opened my mouth to respond when I felt my thoughts rush forward. I lost all sense of myself, of our bodies as I was launched into Loki’s painful memory.

I was looking down at the cold, desolate scenery that was the Jotunheim. I watched as a Frost Giant engaged Loki in combat, Loki pulling out a dagger to plunge into his opponent’s chest. As he did, his arm was stopped, a deep blue appearing suddenly, staining his skin from fingertip to under his chainmail. He looked up, into the Jotun’s eyes, seeing puzzlement in his opponent’s eyes, mirroring his own.

As the memory ended, another began.

I watched him lift the casket in the weapons vault, panic and desperation running through his mind. He wanted answers, yet he hoped he wouldn’t find something entirely unpleasant. As he watched his skin turn blue once more, Odin’s voice echoed in his mind. “Stop”.

Betrayal. Hurt. Desperation. They were the only words I could put to describing how Loki felt, but no words could do justice to the devastating hurricane of emotions running through him.

‘Loki.’ My mind pleaded with him. I could already feel Loki’s emotions, and when they were intense, it took me a few minutes to sort our emotions out. But when we were delved so deep into each other’s minds, into our memories, it was so intense that it hurt. I couldn’t keep a bodily sense of myself. I felt lost, in void, with no feeling. ‘Please. Enough. Being this deep into his mind was too much for me to take. ‘I can’t take it anymore Loki. It hurts.’ I felt my mind shudder away, confused, trying to sort through my thoughts, memories and emotions from Loki’s.

When I snapped back to reality, I was breathing heavily and leaning myself against Loki. I had a cold sweat to my body and felt overwhelmed, the room spinning slightly. “I am sorry.” I was glad Loki spoke aloud, though it gave me a headache. I couldn’t take much more of the raw mind-to-mind contact. “I did not mean to hurt you.” He sounded pained, and I looked up to see my heart shatter at the sadness he saw on his face.

“Don’t worry about me.” I whispered, getting my bearings again. “What was that? Are you only going to show me what happened?”

“Why tell you when I just showed you?” I felt him shudder and ran a hand over his arm, trying to soothe him. “I do not want to discuss this any further.”