Quentin's Way

Chapter 17

            After returning to Savannah following the weekend of my grandma's funeral, I still didn't feel like things were back to normal. I continued seeing the school's mental health counselor so that she could help me deal with grief and the mild form of depression I was beginning to sink into. I'd managed to overcome the depression, but I still couldn't handle the fact that my grandma was gone. There were moments where I thought about something else and her death wouldn't be on my mind, but those moments were few and far between.

            What really had me off-balance was the two-week football suspension. I couldn't practice with the team or do anything related to the team and it sucked. Homecoming week arrived and while my teammates were excited about the upcoming game, I was basically an outsider with my face pressed against the glass watching them. As angry as I was with the situation, I was angrier at myself. I should've handled that whole Latoya situation better. Hindsight is a bitch.

            "They won one game without you," Demi said to me as we studied in his dorm. "I'm sure they'll win this week's game, too."

            "But it's homecoming," I told him. "And we're playin' Charleston Southern, our rivals. I should be playin' in that game, Demi."

            "I think it was stupid of them to suspend you, but it is what it is. I think you should go to the game and support them."

            "How would I look doin' that? I'll look like a chump sittin' on the sideline without my gear on."

            "No, you'll look like a supportive teammate. You can be mad at your coaches and it's justified. But your teammates; your brothers, they didn't suspend you, Q. They even stopped hazing you a while ago. I think you owe them your support."

            I shook my head and admitted, "I'm not even sure if I wanna play anymore after everything that's happened."

            "What do you mean?"

            "Demi, I feel lost sometimes. It's like everybody is movin' but I'm standin' still. I've felt like this before and I hate it."

            "I understand why you feel that way but that's just not how it is. The reality is you miss football and this two-week suspension has been extremely difficult for you to adjust to. You're used to your routine."

            "Nah, I think it's more than that." I sat my pencil and notepad down before asking him, "Have you ever done somethin' that you shouldn't have done but it felt right in the moment?"

            "I think everyone has. Why?"

            I sighed before revealing, "I've been sexually involved with two of my teammates and now I regret it."

            His eyes lit up as he asked, "Which two teammates?"

            "Demi, that's not important. What's important is me puttin' an end to it. I never knew meaningless sex could still get complicated. Then again, it's my fault for thinkin' I could have somethin' more with one of them."

            "Whoa. Well, if you feel like your situations are a problem then it may be best to walk away from them. It wasn't easy but I walked away from Malcolm because trying to make it work would've been a waste of my time. He didn't respect me anymore and there's no reason to stay with someone who doesn't respect you. Did either of the guys you were involved with respect you?"

            "One of them just wants a jackoff partner, and the other loves to get fucked and doesn't care whose dick goes in his ass. There wasn't much respect there on my part or theirs. It was all about catchin' a nut and movin' on. I still want more than that. I deserve more." I looked into his eyes for a second and then checked my phone for the time. "Yo, I gotta go. I need to get somethin' to eat before it gets too late."