Second-Hand Dresses

Chapter 26: An Unexpected Comfort

Society is built on the governance of those less fortunate. They help us as much as we guide them.

—Fadion da Ralain

Lily sobbed in the back of the carriage. Hot tears ran down her face as the guilt, fear, and frustration tore at her. She couldn't find any solace in her fantasies and every remaining thought send her into a spiral of despair. She didn't think she could finish Nirih's dress a week early, not with her struggling to find the perfect pattern.

She could picture a dozen patterns she could use. She could throw together something and be done but it would also ruin her own feeble reputation. If it stun Society when Nirih stepped out, her mother would blame her just like everything else. Lily had to find the right one, she just wasn't sure what to pick or how to make it perfect.

Wiping her tears only made her eyes ache. She closed them tightly and struggled to calm herself. Slowly her sobs became ragged gasps of air. Her lungs hurt but she just let the tears run out until there was nothing behind but a sore throat.

The carriage jostled and her attention was dragged back to her seat. She gripped the railing next to her and held herself still. They had left the richer district and started over cobblestones again.

In her mind, she replayed the visit with her mother. It felt like a stranger had been yelling at her, not her own blood and bone. Their relationship had always been strained after the fire. With the passing years toward Lily become a kudame, she could feel a distance but it had never been so serious or violent. It was obvious that her mother had become less of a parent and more of a investor, a demanding investor despite Lily doing her best job.

She pressed a hand to her cheek. It still stung a little from being slapped twice. Realizing they had drifted apart hurt more.

Lily stared at the far end of the carriage, her thoughts finally calm and the despair had faded with her tears. She felt broken, empty, adrift. With a sigh, she kept her body still as the carriage rolled over rough cobblestones and past crowds.

Finally, it came to a stop.

Without looking, Lily wiped her eyes one last time and winced at the soreness. She looked around for her bag but realized she didn't bring it with her. For a long moment, she stared down at her feet, trying to push her thoughts through a feeling of deadness that had draped over her mind.

The door creaked open.

She looked as Tabithas crawled into the carriage. The older woman looked sympathetic as she sat on the opposite side. "I heard. How are you feeling?"

Lily didn't know what to say.

Tabithas sighed and then looked at the windows. With a grunt, she lifted herself up and switched to sit next to Lily. Without another word, she lifted an arm and rested it on the back of the seat behind Lily. "I know it hurts."

"It's like she isn't my mother."

There was a pause. "I know."

Lily wanted to look up, but couldn't. "She slapped me."

Nothing.

"She slapped me because some horse—" She paused as she realized she was about to repeat Mindil's description. "—woman said I wasn't doing my job. I am, I'm just having trouble. I want the dress to be perfect but nothing feels right. The edge fits Nirih's face but not her shoulders. The swoop collar fits her face but not the curve of her shoulders. I get the buttons right for her eyes but then they don't fit her bust. I think I have it and then things come up and I lose it. One thing after another."