Second-Hand Dresses

Chapter 34: Confession

A meal plagued by guilt and regret is nothing more than ash on the tongue.

—Juliet dea Gavin, Tears of My Father's Sister

By the time the carriage stopped in front of Decon Eur's restaurant, Lily was tempted to lock the door and pay the driver twenty jems to drive away. Sweat prickled her skin and fear caused her heart to beat faster. She didn't know if she wanted to fold her hands in her lap or tug on the sides of her corset. She glanced out the window, at the crowded store front, and then back to the seat.

She couldn't do it. She couldn't confess sleeping with Hasan. She knew she needed to, the imperative to do so was clear in her mind, but the words refused to rise up even as she tried to practice them.

"Mindil, I...."

She sighed and shook her head. It wasn't supposed to be like this.

The door creaked home. "Ku—Bedame dea Kasin?"

Trapped, Lily could only take the offered hand. "Thank you."

Like most dining establishments at noon, the outside tables were all crowded with the upper middle class mingling with High Society. Even as someone who spent years on the edge of Society, Lily could identify most of the couples that went to the same parties with her when she was younger. They were almost friends many years ago, but time had separated them and she felt a gulf had formed. They were married, apparently happy, and living their lives as members of High Society. She was a kudame, one step away from being cast off.

She fought her tears as she ducked her head and headed toward the doors. A ripple of silence followed after her and she could see looks shot in her direction. Humiliated, she slammed into the door; it didn't open at first and she had to fumble with it before she managed to pry it open.

Inside, she slammed the door behind her and leaned against it. Panting, she managed to slow her heart before she looked up.

The diners inside were still looking at her curiously. Their gazes were intense, easily penetrating the thin fabric of her sun dress and making her felt like they were staring at her naked body.

A burning flush rose up on her cheeks. She clutched her hands to her sides tightly. She didn't know where to look to avoid the staring gazes.

"Lily!"

Mindil came bounding up. She still wore the same dress as before, the reds completely out of place among the flowered dresses of yellows and greens. Lily could see the women around her judging as much as they were glaring at her wide hips and large breasts, a stark contrast the delicate doll appearance that High Society preferred.

Then, one by one, everyone looked away as if she no longer existed. Eyes slid to the side, conversations stalled as people stared at each other. In a matter of seconds, Mindil went from the center of attention to being invisible with Lily disappearing with her.

Mindil swept Lily into a tight hug, grinding her body up against her. "I was so afraid you wouldn't come."

The guilt slammed into her. She glanced away. "I... couldn't say no."

No one was looking at them, not through the glass doors of the restaurant or inside the place. They were in a pool of silence as conversations began to slowly rise up around them.

"Come on," Mindil said cheerfully. She slipped an arm around Lily's waist and tugged her toward the back of the restaurant. "I got a little table in the back, away from all of these people and their judging stars." She gestured to the dozens of people ignoring both of them.