Crazy is the Name of My Game

( 36 ) Of Feelings Lost

( 36 ) – Of Feelings Lost

Bai Aglaia

The punong babaylan cordially excused herself, leaving me in the suddenly too small dwelling to ponder her parting words. It seemed unbelievable. Inhuman even. But could I deny her claims? I knew I could not. I myself did not comprehend the entirety of the incident . Unfortunately, time was my enemy. There were more pressing matters that would require my attention. This would have to wait.

Quickly, I disengaged the white veil from my head, as well as the colorful pins from my hair and the polished bead necklaces around my neck and wrists. Stripped bare to the essentials, I picked up my weaponry stashed at the corner of the hut.

Stepping out of hut clad as I was, the row of female alipin -- ladies in waiting, as Hans told me once in his language -- gasped in horror. I waved them away before they could scream and ran barefooted towards the edge of the forest. I had to distance myself. I had to think.

My mind sought and failed to truly understand the great danger that the punong babaylan warned me about. Where would it come from and what form? How could I ensure the safety of the village?   Death was final. Irreversible.  If the spirits had willed all these, who was I to do anything but concede?

I am Liyab's first-born princess. As part of the ruling family, my duty is to my tribe. Any harm that will dare take a peek at my people will have to go through me first. Even at the expense of my life.

Beyond the canopy, I could see the silver disk of the moon against the dark, dark sky. Time was of essence. I had to act this very moment.

There was so much to do, and there was no room for a celebration. The wedding would have to wait. Surely, my intended would understand. Dangal was a man fiercely loyal to our people. Saving our people would be our priority, by honor and by blood.

I went in search of him.

A pale hand grabbed me towards the darkness.

"Hush, my love. Do not fear. It is I."

Strong arms wrapped themselves around my shoulders. Golden strands of hair tickled my bare neck. A fresh, crisp scent filled my nose as my back hit a chest as hard as chiseled rock. I took a quick intake of air. His smell was foreign. His smell was good.

"My precious." He kissed the top of my head, tightening his embrace to the point that my skin was flush against him. "I have finally found you."

Tears sprung onto my eyes. I dared not hope, not even allowed myself to dream… Could it really be him?

"Hans," I breathed in disbelief, "why are you here?"

Twisting my neck to look at him, my lips brushed against his collarbone. He lowered his head and captured my mouth, hungrily invading me with his sensual tongue. My whole body was flooded with delicious warmth. I sagged into his arms, weak with relief and something else. Until that moment, I never realized how utterly hollow and despondent I felt. Despite the weight of responsibility on my shoulders, Hans was indeed the only man I wished to wed. He was my heart. He was my life. If he chose me over his kingdom, could I choose him as well over my people?

Pulling back a little, I rested my forehead on his right shoulder. "This is highly improper."

"Indeed. I could hear the drums and the music from half a league away." His green eyes regarded me with burning passion. "I thought I was too late."

"Nearly," I smiled.

"I cannot let another man have you."

"Hans, I --"

"Let us go somewhere south, farther than you have ever traveled, where no one will recognize us." Wrinkles formed in between his brows. "Say that you will come with me."

My insides shriveled and died that very moment.  Desperation made cold beads of sweat dot my nape. "I beg you, do not ask me of this. I cannot betray my people."  I held his hands and squeezed them firmly, my gaze lingering on the shadows at our feet. "The punong babaylan prophesized the extinction of the whole tribe. She spoke that it will pass a moon's cycle from now. I cannot leave them .It is my duty to protect them as their warrior princess."

"Your duty is to your heart."

Another tear rolled down my cheek. "No."

With all the strength I could muster, I yanked myself from his embrace. I took a few steps away, my knees giving away in either disappointment or stress or a combination of both. Tendrils of hair fell over my eyes, but I had not the mind to brush them away. They did not matter. I was cold. I had never felt so alone in my life.

"Farewell, Hans Verona."

As I turned to leave, I heard a chuckle behind me. Confused, I faced Hans again, and indeed, he was sporting a grin --nay, a smirk. One that made my muscles tremble in fear.

"Do I humor you, Head Guardian?"

"Can't believe that I let you go so easily before. What the hell was I thinking back then? I could have snatched you. Should have killed all that interfered."It looked like he had something more to add, but caught himself and stopped his tongue from wagging. He touched his lips with the pad of his thumb. "Pathetic. I cannot believe this farce of a living."

My ears were white-coal hot.

"Farce?" Livid, I lunged at him and hit his jaw. His head snapped to the side, but his smirk remained. "Farce? You call my dilemma a farce? How could you trample on my feelings?! Lives are at stake!"

His green eyes glittered dangerously. There was an emotion there that did not belong to my beloved Hans, to the sweetest, funniest and most awkward moron of a man.

"Who are you?" The blade of my bone knife felt hot against my thigh. As soon as I find an opportunity, I could easily slit this man's throat. But could I? This man harbored the same face as my beloved.

A cruel smile formed on his lips. "I am whoever you want me to be. I am your friend, your lover, your soul mate tonight and for all eternity."

Attacking him again, I managed to scratch his face before he incapacitated me with his magic. The air around me thickened, ceasing all movements aside from my breathing.

"You are not my Hans!" I shrieked. "What did you do to him? Where is he?"

He studied me for a moment and sighed. "This is me. There is only me. The weakling that you’ve met is long gone."

Gone. Gone? What did he mean gone? My Hans could not die. He was the strongest Guardian in existence.

“You lie!” Frustration drove me to near hysterics. The man was just a reach away. If only I could kill him... "Give him back! Give him back, you monster! Give me my Hans back!"

"I will never be weak again!”

"You are evil! You can’t be him!"

He continued speaking in the calm, baritone voice of the man I loved. "I am the part of him that he had repressed for hundreds of years. I am his true strength. I am his Darkness."

“Give him back,” I sobbed. “I need him back…”

The force that bound me dissipated into nothingness. I fell on my knees, energy drained from every limb.

“Aglaia.” I flinched at his touch. Noticing the hatred and disgust in my eyes, he withdrew at once. Too late. I witnessed the flash of grief that crossed his face. His voice was a mere whisper when he picked me up in his arms. “Believe me, only through this can our love survive. Bear it a little longer. I promise to break this curse.”

“I loathe you.”

In his eyes was a sea of rage.

“You will learn to love me again.”