the poison I need // Phan

I need you

I woke up the next day ready for the day. I haven't been this ready for anything for the longest time.

I put on a black hoodie, black jeans, and pretty much everything else black becuase its the only color I own. Chris tries to get me to wear other things, but I have always declined.

I look at my phone after getting ready, 10:49 a.m. Should i message Phil? Would it be too early? I'll just do it.

[Phil :3]
To: Phil :3
From: Me

Good morning
10:50 a.m.

I figure that he might be sleeping, so i set my phone down and went to the kitchen.

I didnt know if i would have the time to eat or not so i went ahead and made myself cereal and eagerly awaited the buzz sound of my phone signifying Phil's text.

After i took each bite, i chewed slowly hoping not to miss the notification sound.

One bite.

Then two.

Then three.

Then my bowl was empty.

I stared down at my bowl. It was empty. Kind like how i feel right now.

Its been 34 minutes since i sent my text.

I started to get anxious. Why wasn't he responding.

BZZZZZ!

I jumped to my phone as fast as i could. I don't know how one person could make me like this, but if feels like a good thing.

[Phil :3]
From: Phil :3
To: Me

Hey, sorry. I stayed up later
than I should have last night.
You still up for coffee today?
11:25 a.m.

I smiled at my phone like a fool. I am only acting like this because I know that he is my soul mate. But does he know that I'm his?

[Phil :3]
From: Me
To: Phil :3

Of course! Plus I have something
to tell you anyway. What time?
11:25 a.m.

Well, if he doesn't know, he will soon...

[Phil :3]
From: Phil :3
To: Me

Well, I can't wait to hear it.
How does noon sound?
11:26 a.m.

[Phil :3]
From: Me
To: Phil :3

That sounds great.
11:26 a.m.

Yea it sounds great, but truth is, I'm extremely nervous for this.

~~~~~

It takes me bout 15 minutes to get to the cafe. I don't want to seem like one of those losers that gets to a date on time.

wait.

is this a date?

Well, if he doesn't know about my tattoo, then it wouldn't be a date.

...right?

Well, regardless, I am leaving my apartment at 11:50.

15 minutes later, I arrive at the coffee shop. I look around for Phil, and spot him almost immediately. His dark hair that glistens in the sun. You would think someone who has black hair would be scary or intimidating, but just looking at him will give you this feeling of comfort.

He looks at me and smiles. It is a wonderful sight. I'm glad to have something that can make me this happy.

"Hey," he says as I approach him. I just wave and return with a small smile. I can tell from last night and today he enjoys wearing lighter and brighter clothing. My closet is so limited, it looks like I wear the same thing every day.

He brings me into a hug. It was very sudden, and I will admit, I got kinda scared. But after a second, it was nice. His hug felt like warmth and sunshine. I really enjoyed it.

He pulled away all to soon, I was just getting used to it.

"Want to get a table?" he asks. I nod, still to awkward and nervous to say anything.

"you okay?" he asks me. Oh no, I think he's catching on to my nervousness. What do I say?

"Uh.. yea." I give an awkward laugh. Please believe me.

"Alright, you going to order anything?" he asks me handing me a menu.

"I didn't bring any money." how could I be so stupid to leave my wallet. I feel like an actual idiot. "I'm sorry, I'll pass." I look down in embarrassment.

"It's okay, just make sure to pay me back on our next date." He smiled.

I swear to God my face was blood red. So, this is a date? I looked back up at him and smiled, "deal."

I take the menu and pretend to scan it. I am very pick with what I eat, I get the same thing every time I am here. And I am here all the time. My best friend works at this cafe, I have no other friends, so it's here or at home.

After pretending to look at the menu for a moment, I get a coffee with two sugars and 4 pumps of creme, and a creme cheese pastry.

"Hmm, that sounds good, I will get what he got." He handed our menus to Tyler. Right now he is our waiter, but that doesn't stop him from winking at me.

For as long as everyone, I know, has known me, I have been super alone. I always pushed myself away from others. It was a skilled that I practiced for when I meet... well the person sitting right in front of me.

Once I understood what my tattoos meant, I flipped. How could I absolutely and wholeheartedly love someone, but at the same time hate them for all they are? So, I started pushing people away, being on my own, only loving someone half the time. To practice for this. I really just wanted to kill myself, If I couldn't be one hundred percent happy with someone, what's the point?

Well, I realized, I couldn't just kill myself. I would make everyone that knows me and loves me hurt so much worse than I hurt from all of this. I need to stay alive for them, and if not for them, for myself.

And I'm glad I never left this world, If I did, I would not have met Chris, He would have not dragged me to that party, I would not be on this date, and Tyler would not be winking at me.

I'm glad that I met Phil when I did, He has pulled me out of my sorrow. He has made me feel better about myself. He's good for me. He truly is my soulmate.

But he is also my worst enemy, and I need him to be exactly not that. I will do everything I can to make sure that this relationship stays happy as much as it can. So, I have to tell him.

"You know, I ran away the other day because I saw your tattoo, I'm sorry." I hope he isn't mad at me.

"It's okay, I knew that anyway, I was just making sure you knew exactly why you ran."

~~~~~

Woah, how is that for the next chapter? I know I am like 2 weeks late on updating. SOrry! But here is the third chapter.

Let me know what ya think !

XOXO,

Anne