The List

chapter 12

 The rain puttered and pattered on the ground, collecting into deep puddles on the cement, the wind whipping it into my face, making the porch useless- it was supposed to protect me from the rain.

He came to stand beside me, staring at the now empty parking space where my father's car should've been.

"I hope he get's pulled over for drunk driving," I fumed.

"You better hope he checks into a hotel tonight," He replied cooly.

I turned to him, eyes narrowed, "What's your problem?"

Eros was leaning against the doorframe of my house, arms crossed, his features scrunched up at me, "He's drunk, he needs to get somewhere quickly before he kills someone."

"Are you telling me I should call the police?" I asked, though I was nervous to do this. Calling the police would entail that I would have to tell them why he was drinking and why he was like this.

"That's precisely what I'm telling you," he stood straight, walking to the porch, pulling his phone from his pocket and placing it on the beam of the porch.

I stared at it. Never in my wildest dreams would I have even thought of calling the police on my father.

"No," I began, "I can't."

He raised an eyebrow at me, so I continued, "He's drinking because of our mom because she's not here- it's hard for him."

"So?" He probed.

I sighed in irritation, "You just don't understand," this was partly true, if we were being honest I didn't much understand either, but calling the police on my father seemed wrong.

He laughed sarcastically, "Please Alice, enlighten me on why this is such a difficult decision!"

There was a pause between his words and mine, as I carefully chose my next words, the lame attempt to convey why and how I was feeling this way, "Eros, Eros, you had your mom. You had your dad. You got to spend those important days with them. Angelica and I," I turned my head to give the house an exasperated look, as if she'd be standing there, edging me on.

She wasn't of course.

"We didn't have that. We don't even know what having a mom feels like and the only type of fatherly bond we know is the one we were given. We aren't thriving, but we aren't dying as well. I need you to understand that despite what my father is like, we need him just as much as he needs us."

We were a troubled and almost malignant family, but we were much better off than many.

Eros didn't like my words that I had so carefully thought out, and countered them swiftly, "Alice, that's fucking bullshit," he ran a hand through his hair, that now stood on end, pointing in different directions, "you have your dad Alice and you deeply discredit him and what he's worth. You need him a lot more than you're saying."

"I never said I was ungrateful for my father."

He sneered at me and pushed off of the wood, taking one quick stride so he towered over me. "It sure as hell sounded like it Alice, you know he's trying."

I remained silent at this. It was true that yes, he was a terrible father in the perspective of what I expected, what I wanted, but all things considered, no one really had an exceptional father.

Ryder rarely saw his parents.

Eros didn't have a dad.

My father, he tried, which I knew was so difficult for him.