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Yoongi
pressure, being busy not talking about what happened with jimin yoongi snaps at jimin because he's stressed
'It's not good enough'
your not good enough
'Needs to be better'
you need to be better
'What kind of shit are you producing?'
your a piece of shit
I run my fingers through my hair, and pull on the strands of my bleached and damaged hair as I let out a groan. Trying to ignore the stupid, stupid voices in my head. Everything seems like its falling apart lately. Half the stuff I've been coming up with lately is just to cover my ass for deadline and I know aren't worth anything. I can't seem to find the passion, and my boss is putting so much pressure on me to come up with something good soon, or he'll- and I quote-, "Fire my ass and find someone who can do a better job than because as of right now its nowhere near good enough". And it feels like I haven't seen Jimin since that... day. I've been spending all night at the studio coming home at 3 in the morning to an empty apartment because Jimins got the showcase coming up and stays late in the studio to practice and himself perfect when he already is. Leaving me alone with my thoughts in our dark shared apartment.
Its been getting worse lately, and I've been feeling hollow and forlorn. The only thing that fills that void is Jimin and the old little-tattered box, hidden in the far corner of the closet that he doesn't know about. That little box which is now sitting front of me, my arms shaking as I reach towards it. I unfurl the ribbon tied at the top in a messy knot and I pull out the contents of the box. The silver blade glinting in the light contrasting the dried crimson orange stains. I let out a hysterical laugh at the thought that I was begging Jimin not to do the exact same thing no more than 2 weeks ago.
My hands continue to shake as I bring the piece of metal up to my arm
'You don't even deserve Jimin'
I start to think of Jimin, he the only other thing that stops me from feeling like this. In the past two, almost 3 years we've been together he's always been there for me, to stop me from doing this exact thing.
The thought of him makes me cry even harder, what he'll think when he see this mess that I've made, the mess that is me
I glance at the clock and it reads 2:27 a.m., Jimin is most defiantly still the studio. I sloppily wrap a bandage around my arm and shove my sleeve down, grab my- our- keys and run out the door barely even bothering to put on my shoes properly.
I ignore the cold wind on my face freezing my tears before they even fall as I messily run through the light snow. We intentionally moved to this area to be closer to Jimins studio, from where we live it's only a 5 walk.
Wiping my tears away with the ends of my sleeve I push open the door to the studio and head to room B, knowing he's the only one there and he always uses that studio. When I open the door Jimin nearly collapses on the floor from over-exhaustion. He looks up at me from the floor,
"Yoongi? W-what are you doing-" the words die on his tongue as I fallout he floor with him and squeeze him hard
But the words die on his tongue as I collapse onto my knees next to him continuing to sob into my hands, blood still running down my right arm soaking through the bandages and getting on the floor
'Look at the mess you've made now, you couldn't just stay home and try to kill yourself like you did last year'
My voice is so weak to the point of where I can only whisper out small 'I'm sorry' to Jimin. I'm the one whos supposed to be stable in the relationship, I'm the one who takes care of him. Right now, all I'm doing is making a mess of our lives.
'He doesn't even care, he's just with you out of pity'
I feel two trembling arms tentatively wrap around me and pull me towards them, enclosing me in warmth. But I push them away with the little strength that I have, and with the loose grip Jimins arms have on me I manage to push him back. Through the hot tears running down my face, I speak,
"Don't I'll only end up hurting you worse." he looks at me confused
"Y-yoongi what do you mean?" I look at him- as if he doesn't know
"I- I broke out promise" I shove down my sleeve and pull the bandages off my arm revealing the still fresh cuts, lightly bleeding
" I'm sorry, I'm so, so, so, sorry. I- I just couldn't do it. I had to stay strong for you, but I couldn't. I'm getting a lot of pressure from work you haven't been coming home, and I know you're aren't eating and you're overworking yourself. And- and I'm not doing anything to make it better, I'm really just making your life worse. I-i love you and I want to be with you forever, but I'll just keep fucking up you and your life, so-so I think we should break up, I mean really-"
Jimin
"I think we should break up"
6 words.
Only 6 words to make me feel like my entire world was falling apart.
6 words to make my heart shatter
6 words to break me
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Ok, like this is honestly really shitty, I had something for this chapter then lost it and it took me so fucking long to upload this one because part of it was written on wattpad, middle part was written on a flash drive, then the last part I wrote in class when I should have been writing my narrative.
