On the Northside or any place nicer then Southside Chicago love was something pretty it was flowers and chocolate and kindness. Not on the Southside though, not in the places were god had left. Here love is finding the person who will ride with you...
They were in the same room but somehow there was still a million miles between them
They weren't fighting anymore, which was better. There was still tension though, there was a distance between them now that had never existed between them before and that was so much worse. Like sitting across the table from the person you would do anything for and a complete stranger all at the same time. Mostly she was fine, occasionally she felt like all the pieces of her were coming apart at once. Carl had forgiven her for the fight but he could still see the secrets hiding behind her eyes, the words she had never said still hung silently in the air between them creating space that neither of them knew how to cross. The distance between them was her fault, without telling the truth she had no way of fixing it. Everything was still falling apart, Liam was in the hospital, Fiona was in jail, Frank was still dying, her and Carl's relationship was still broken. She had never been good at coping with powerlessness, losing control of the things around her had always sent her on an emotional death spiral, sending her back to the two weeks she had spent in foster care after her father's death. If she ripped her heart out of her chest and set it on fire would all her feelings burn away, would all of this hurt less, or would it just be another wound that nobody could see?
Hailey spends breakfast at the Gallaghers that morning in a haze, she does everything the same as she normally would except it's like she's watching her body go through the motions from a distance. She eats and food tastes like ash in her mouth, she talks and the sounds are muffled and far away, she wanders out the door to wait for the bus and she doesn't feel any of it, it feels like it's happening to someone else some other girl, she barely notices the addition of Sammi and Chuckie in the kitchen. The first moment she can really pinpoint as being awake and present in her own body is when she sits next to Carl on the bus and the boys behind them make fun of Liam, suddenly everything around her snaps into focus and all she can feel is a blinding rage. She has to stop herself from reaching back and strangling them, the road to school is long and it started snowing early this morning, she'll stifle her anger if it means she doesn't have to walk.
She notices Carl clench his fist in anger and grabs his hand squeezing tightly "They aren't worth having to walk Carl, they aren't ever going to be worth it" she speaks softly in his ear.
Carl lets out a hollow mirthless laugh pulling his hand away and stuffing it into his pocket "I know it doesn't stop me from wanting to punch them in the face though."
Hailey closes her eyes and tries to find the strength to get through the day, it's barely started and she already wished she had just stayed in bed. It had always been her and Carl against the world, she clenches her empty hand tightly, it looked like they were against even each other now, their hearts were too far apart to be standing back to back these days.
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It was lunchtime and Hailey was just so done, Carl had been sent home after beating up some other kids, he had barely even acknowledged her as they passed in the halls shoving his way through the doors of the school. The lump in her throat gets bigger at his apparent dismissal of her presence. She guessed she would be going solo this lunchtime as she would rather gouge out her eyes with a rusty spoon then spend her time with the bitches that infested the halls of the purgatory they had renamed as high school. All day she could hear them whispering about Liam the other Gallaghers. She wished that they would say it to her face but after what Carl had done to the two losers who had been talking shit on the bus no one was game enough. It was a bit disappointing because if she was getting in a fight then she at least needed an excuse to give her aunt or shit would go down. She was just waiting for someone to have the nerve to talk to her directly but if by the end of lunch nobody had worked up the courage to do so she would take anything. All she wanted was to release some pent up anger was that too much to ask?
