"Phil is Betty's husband. They met in high school.
Sometimes I wonder how he got up the nerve to ask her out. Talking to girls about that stuff (y' know, romance) is, frankly, terrifying.
When I asked Nikki to the Halloween dance, I almost passed out! Seriously, in the hours before she reluctantly said yes, I started to feel a little dizzy.
After that, it's kind of been our thing to go to cheesy school dances together. I don't know if it means we're dating or just friends who go to dances together.
I wish it were the first one. Ever since I met Nikki, my life has been interesting and even fun!
Anyway, at the most recent cheesy school dance, Nikki was crowned Sweetheart Princess. She let me put the crown on her head. Then she let me dance with her.
Encouraged by this, I sort of kissed her.
Not then, I mean. It was about a month later when I kissed her. It cost five bucks, and it was totally worth it! Since Nikki didn't shriek or slap me in the face, now I know she might feel the same way I do!
But now I don't know what to do next.
Do I kiss her again?
Do I ask her to be my girlfriend?
Do I have to ask her? Can't it just, y' know, happen?
Confused and bewildered, I asked Phil for advice, since he has experience with this kind of stuff.
'Phil?' I asked one night. 'About girls...'
He suddenly had a violent coughing fit which forced him to leave the room.
'Phil!'
He came back. 'Kid,' he said, still hacking a little. 'I don't know anything about girls.'
'Then how'd you end up with Betty?'
'That was a fluke.'
'Oh,' I sighed.
'Just tell her how you feel,' he said and chuckled. 'It'll be awkward, but why would she say no?'
'Because I'm a dork,' I said, not missing a beat.
(Hey, I am!)
'That's not always a bad thing,' said Betty, appearing out of nowhere. 'Let your inner dork shine through!'
I have no idea where she gets this stuff from.
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The next day though, today, I decided to take Phil's advice. I walked up to Nikki and said, 'Hi, Nikki.'
'Hi, Brandon,' she said back.
Usually, this would've been enough for first period, but it was time to get awkward!
'Hey,' I said nervously. 'Can I talk to you about something?'
Nikki smiled and nodded, making her pigtails bounce. 'Sure!' She gave me her full attention.
Despite the fact that I was starting to feel dizzy again, I managed to say, 'I was wondering if--I mean, I was hoping...'
'Yes?' prompted Nikki. She stared into my eyes, which was unnerving, but calming at the same time, if that makes any sense.
'maybe you'd consider dating--'
'Wing-dings!' Mackenzie, who, unfortunately, has a locker next to Nikki's, interrupted. 'I saw you scarfing them down like a pig at the Sweetheart dance. So, when's the wedding, Maxwell?'
'Right after your honeymoon with lip gloss,' Nikki snarked.
Mackenzie snarked something back, and suddenly, I was in the middle of a girl snark-fest.
I quietly sneaked away then.
Why does Mackenzie have to ruin everything? Can't she just find other people to annoy?
Why?
If it hadn't been for Mackenzie and her snarkiness, I would've asked Nikki to be my official girlfriend. Maybe she would've said yes.
But maybe she would've said no...
Maybe Mackenzie did me a favor. Maybe Nikki would actually be better off dating a wing-ding.
Hey, they're delicious! If she got hungry on a date, she could just lean over and, y'know!
Okay, that's weird and kind of messed up...
But look at this list I just made:
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Wing-ding: Me:
1. Is delicious! 1. Is a real person
2. Costs only two bucks for a bag 2. Has a linty red licorice stick in my pocket
3. Goes well with ketchup 3. Uh, is a real person?
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See? I can't compete!"
YOU ARE READING
Dork Diaries: Tales from a Not-So-Chill Brandon
FanficBrandon Roberts knows better than anyone else that he's not as perfect as his best friends, Nikki and Max, may let on. He's sometimes shy, sometimes insecure, and always failing to be perfect. Will Brandon stop trying so hard and just chill? Or will...
