Dork Diaries: Tales from a Not-So-Chill Brandon

How Mackenzie manages to grow increasingly annoying

"I want popcorn.

But we don't have any.

So, yeah. That's what I came here to say.

____________ _____ _________________

Just kidding. 

I would like some popcorn though. 

The popcorn at my local movie theater is really good, with just the right combination of salt, butter, and, y' know, popcorn. Maybe I should ask Nikki to the movies. We could get popcorn...

And I'm getting way off track.

So, as you can see by the title of this 'notebook article' (not a diary entry. This isn't and never will be a diary), it's time for a Mackenzie rant.

What did she do this time, you ask?

(Actually, I know you're not asking anything, since you're an inanimate object, black composition notebook.)

Hollister burned down Fuzzy Friends and kidnapped Betty and Phil!

In a strange dream I had two months ago.

Okay, the real story...

____________

School ended and summer vacation started a few weeks ago. So instead of falling asleep in history class, I was at the library.

Checking out three different biographies about Winston Churchill.

I can't explain why, but when it's not for school, I find history ridiculously  interesting.

I was pocketing my card and going to leave the library when I saw MacKenzie.

Almost dropping all three of my books, I stopped and stared in shock. I didn't think she read anything other than...um... 

I actually can't picture Mackenzie reading anything...

A fashion magazine maybe?

She probably noticed me staring at her in shock. I think so because she squealed, 'OMG! Brandon!'

'Shhhh!' hissed at least three people.

'The library is totes awesome, right?' she said, giving them dirty looks and not lowering her voice at all. 'Anyway, I'm glad I ran into you!'

She started doing that same eye twitchy thing Phil did when Nikki came over for dinner, except it was with both eyes.

'Are you okay?' I asked her.

'Of course!'

She obviously wasn't okay because then she reeled on her high heels like a drunken person and fell into me, knocking us both to the floor.

Now everyone else was glaring at us.

'Sorry,' I said, helping Mackenzie up and collecting my books, even though none of this mess was my fault. 'See a doctor. I have to go.'

Making a scene at the library and dragging me into it wasn't all Mackenzie did.

When I was walking home, I got a text on my phone from an unknown number. 

It says,

'Hi, Brandon! :) Meet me at the dusty old library tomorrow at 2 pm! :)'

I texted back, 'Can't. Very busy. How'd u get my number?'

'I'm awesome, duh! :) I didn't hire a team of private investigators if that's what you thought. XD Also, I borrowed your card, and if you want it back... ;) Then I'll see you tomorrow! Toodles! :)'

I blocked the number then checked my pockets. They were empty.

And that's what she did. She pretended to be tipsy. Then when my library card fell out of my pocket, the little kleptomaniac quickly snatched it up!

I guess I shouldn't be surprised. She's stolen a lot of things from Nikki, and when she crashed my birthday party, she stole my phone!

So, why?

Why am I so polite with this girl, after all her bullying and her craziness and her excessive use of emojis?

It's all Betty's fault. Every time I'm tempted to even just ignore Mackenzie, it's like an invisible ghost Betty is standing next to me, watching with her eyebrow raised.

And of course I can't disappoint invisible ghost Betty.

____________ ______________ _____

This is weird, but today, Mackenzie reminded me of my mom.

It makes more sense when I remember how Mom used to come home at crazy hours of the night, drunk.

My dad was always arguing with her about this stuff, saying she should stop drinking, stop dying her hair primary colors, stop scarring me for life. 

I used to agree with him. 

But now that they're gone, I realize even a very irresponsible mom is better than no mom.

Why am I even writing about this? It's making me all gloomy and depressed. Also, Mackenzie might steal this notebook and use it for blackmail. 

"